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The world’s BIGGEST rolex wins Guinness World Record!

“I made the world’s biggest rolex” – Raymond Kahuma is putting Uganda on the world map (in his words).

News does not get any more exciting than this!

Drumroll…

The biggest – world record-breaking – congratulations to Raymond Kahuma who has landed a Guinness World Record for Uganda by making the world’s biggest rolex! According to his certificate, the mammoth snack weighed in at a phenomenal 204.6 kg (or 451 pounds!)

Just how many eggs do you think were needed to make it?!

While others may strive to win medals at the Olympics or reward themselves with endless university degrees, Raymond has done something far more worthy: he has (in his words) “helped put Uganda on the world map” and boy is he entertaining us too!

The world's largest rolex is wrapped in clingfilm.
The world’s largest rolex is wrapped in clingfilm, a key part of the rolex-making process

Explore Uganda through your tastebuds!

For the uninitiated, a rolex is an omelette rolled in a chapati. (Rolled eggs, get it?) It’s a staple of students and party animals countrywide. (You can’t beat eating a fresh rolex at three in the morning on the way home from a nightclub, which we are now able to do again in Uganda after almost two years of bar closures!)

According to the rules set by Guinness World Records, the rolex would need to weigh at least 200 kg. With a single rolex weighing 100g, that equated to 200 rolex! However, that would be too easy: the final item had to be a scaled-up version of the actual food. (Until this record from Uganda, the world’s biggest rolex measured three metres in diameter and weighed 149 kg).

Kahuma’s first attempt at making a record-breaking rolex cost him $3000 and took a team of 15 people four weeks – to ultimately fail. On that first attempt, the chapati got burned before they had a chance to make the full rolex. Kahuma explains how he had given up on college and how making this humongous Rolex “had become my life’s work. Giving up was not an option.”

Watch Raymond Kahuma’s record-breaking feat “I made the world’s biggest rolex” made in Kampala.

The video is HILARIOUS (just forgive the occasional swearword…) Honestly, the world’s biggest rolex video is the best thing I have watched in a long time. I felt a little emotional by the end of it!

“Uganda’s Guinness World Record for the world’s biggest rolex is a testament to perseverance and dedication.”

Raymond Kahuma

Ingredients for a world record-breaking 200kg+ Ugandan rolex!

  • 72 kg flour
  • 90 kg vegetables
  • 1200 eggs
  • 40 kg water
  • 40 kg cooking oil
  • 14 hours and 36 seconds
  • Four attempts
  • 60 participants

Proudly Ugandan! Congratulations to the record-breaking team behind the World's Biggest Rolex!
Proudly Ugandan! Congratulations to the record-breaking team behind the World’s Biggest Rolex! #uniquelyours

Originally the go-to food for students, posh versions of Rolex now include chicken, bacon, cheese and a variety of ingredients. At Bujagali in Jinja, you can even order a sweet rolex filled with chocolate and fruit! Back on the streets – arguably still the best place to order your chapati – a rolex stall is one of the quickest and easiest way to set up a new business. You have to hand it to Ugandans for their entrepreneurial spirit!

The humble rolex is a staple on Diary of a Muzungu’s menu. 😋 It even has its own blog “The rolex: celebrating Uganda’s uniqueness!”

Do you love eating rolex? Restaurant variety or roadside stall which is your favourite?

Virtually edible! A food tour of Uganda

A virtual food tour of Uganda

Regular readers of Diary of a Muzungu know I’m always up for an adventure – and this one is in my tastebuds!

I was delighted when expat blogger Sarah ‘With a Smile’ Emery from sunny Singapore, invited me to take part in a virtual food tour. Here are some highlights of our interview about my experience eating different traditional foods in Uganda.

Sarah: What is your favourite traditional dish in Uganda? 

The muzungu: Katogo is popular, very filling and easy and cheap to prepare. The main ingredient is usually matooke (steamed green banana) or cassava or Irish potatoes, served with beans or beef. My favourite katogo combination is matooke with ‘g nuts’ (ground nuts or peanuts) and greens. Many Ugandans like breakfast katogo made with “gizzards” (not something I can stomach – no pun intended!) Katogo is served hot, normally in a bowl. It’s my kind of comfort food.”

Katogo breakfast with beef and beans washed down with milky African tea, Fort Portal, Uganda
Katogo breakfast with beef and beans washed down with milky African tea, Fort Portal

Sarah: What is the most interesting food that you have eaten in Uganda? 

The muzungu: “If you had told me 10 years ago that I would move to Africa and start eating insects, I may never have moved here! Insects – particularly cockroaches – were my biggest fear when I first moved to Uganda but now, I find myself eating – and LOVING – grasshoppers! Twice a year, when the rains are at their peak, the country has a glut of bright green grasshoppers or nsenene. At night, powerful lights attract the grasshoppers who are dazzled by the reflective glare of tin sheets and collected by the thousands.

cooked nsenene grasshoppers Entebbe Uganda
A handful of cooked nsenene grasshoppers, Entebbe

Nsenene are peeled – just like prawns – by removing their legs and wings and then fried, often with onions. Grasshoppers give off a smoky flavour and once you start eating them, you may not want to stop. They’re delicious with an evening aperitif. They are high in protein and low in fat.

I haven’t tried them (yet) but enswa (white ants or termites) and lake flies are other Ugandan insect delicacies.”

grasshopper season Uganda. White sacks full of fresh grasshoppers piled on roofs of vehicles
You know it’s grasshopper season when you see white sacks (full of fresh grasshoppers) piled on the roofs of vehicles

Sarah: What is the worst food you have tried in Uganda and why? 

The muzungu: “I was a vegetarian for many years and can’t imagine myself ever eating pig trotters. Friends say mulokony or kigere are quite a delicacy (“good hangover food”) but the sight of them, whether raw or cooked, is enough to turn my stomach.

When I first moved to Kampala, a young Ugandan friend introduced me to the traditional food of Western Uganda. The kalo (millet bread), served in a pretty woven basket, looked like raw dough and was served with a sour sauce derived from ghee. The dish is “an acquired taste”, shall we say, but even now, I can’t eat it.”

kalo millet bread is served in a basket. St Anthony's African Food Restaurant Kampala
Kalo millet bread is served in a basket at St Anthony’s African Food Restaurant Kampala

Sarah: What food and/or drink is a must-try for those who are visiting Uganda? 

The muzungu: “The rolex is probably the country’s most talked about dish, particularly after it appeared on CNN. A rolex (think “rolled eggs”) is simply an omelette wrapped in a chapati, with the addition of sliced tomatoes and cabbage. The rolex was first made popular by Kampala’s university students. Nowadays, you can buy a freshly prepared rolex by any roadside. A few smart café’s in Kampala do ‘posh rolex’ with bacon or avocado but you can’t beat the original combo.

Read The rolex: celebrating Uganda’s uniqueness!

Trevor Noah orders rolex on Wandegeya street, Kampala
Trevor Noah gets his rolex fix (allegedly!) on the streets of Wandegeya, Kampala #TrevorNoahVisitsUganda

Another institution is Uganda Waragi, a triple-distilled gin which goes down a treat with tonic. It’s a popular tipple with tourists and expats. Waragi is said to come from the words ‘war gin’ and was an import of the British. Local gin is made of bananas and stored in plastic jerry cans. It can be lethal (and is best avoided!)

Bushera millet porridge is another popular staple which I tried on Agartha’s Taste of Uganda experience. Millet is a common crop and the porridge is drunk all over the country but at Agartha’s we experienced the whole process from ‘farm to cup.’ Her home in Ishasha was a tasty stop-over on our food tour of Uganda.

Read How to be a Mukiga woman – meet Agartha! 

Bushera millet porridge, served with ground nuts, is served at Agartha's Taste of Uganda, Ishasha
Bushera millet porridge, ground nuts Uganda is prepared and served at Agartha’s Taste of Uganda, Ishasha

When I lived in Kampala, the capital of Uganda, a favourite day out was eating fish (Tilapia or Nile Perch) on Lake Victoria. Sometimes you want somewhere swanky, but sometimes you just want to sit at the landing site and eat the freshest fish with your hands. Read A guide to eating fish on Lake Victoria.

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Charlotte Beauvoisin, Kampala, Uganda
Read my guide on where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, Munyonyo, Kampala, Uganda

Sarah: Are there any dining customs a visitor would benefit from knowing prior to visiting Uganda? 

The muzungu: “Many Ugandans eat with their hands but it’s okay for you to eat with cutlery.

Lunch can sometimes take a long time to arrive, depending on the restaurant. A busy local restaurant will have ready-cooked food that they will quickly plate for you. However, if you make a specific order, expect to wait a long time. Unless you’re eating somewhere fancy in Kampala or at a tourist lodge, it’s good practice to ask “what is in the kitchen” since what is on the menu may have no bearing on what is available! The annoying part is that the waitress may not tell you for 15 minutes that this is the case. This seems to happen a lot outside the capital.

The food tour of Uganda continues. Read “Lunch arrived squawking on a boda boda.”

Chicken transport Kampala, Uganda
It’s a tough life for chickens in Uganda…

Ugandans add a lot of salt when they cook so always taste your food before adding any. Ugandans eat big portions. Every meal is a big slab of food. By contrast, Brits have smaller plates of food but are more likely to snack between meals. We may also order a starter or a dessert. Ugandans will generally just eat one course. (If fresh fruit is served at a buffet, it is normally piled on top of the other food!)

Uganda is a country of 56 tribes. This means that the food culture differs from one part of the country to another. In the central region of Buganda, it is deemed rude to leave a guest looking at an empty plate so a waitress may rush to remove your plate as soon as you finish eating. Culturally, she is exhibiting good manners, but I don’t like being rushed. (A Brit like me feels like the waitress is clearing the table ready for the next guest!)

Ugandan food is plentiful. The country has a wonderful climate meaning that there are at least two harvests per year. It’s perhaps for this reason that Ugandans don’t finish eating everything on their plate.

large Ugandan avocado. Diary of a Muzungu
Ugandan avocados are the BEST!

Ugandan avocados are HUGE and the pineapples and mangoes are the sweetest! Every visitor to Uganda comments on the fantastic fruit and vegetables. However, most Ugandans are happiest eating heavy carbohydrates (which they refer to by the collective name of ‘food’) and meat. Forget the paleo diet, Ugandans will load up their plates with as many as five types of ‘food.’

Vegetables or salads seem to be a ‘by the way’ and associated with poverty for many people. The thinking goes that if you have real food (meat and ‘food’) you don’t need to live on the free stuff (vegetables) that you can grow in your shamba.

When you visit a Ugandan home, it’s customary to be offered something to eat or drink. Your host may get upset if you don’t accept anything. Sometimes there will be an accompaniment with tea; this is sometimes called an ‘escort.’ (Uglish is a Ugandan version of English that often makes me smile).”

Tell me: which traditional Ugandan foods have I missed? Which dishes are your favourites? Add a comment below 🙂


How to eat like a Rwandan – 10 snacks I bet you haven’t tried

An introduction to Rwandan foods – a snacking guide for hungry travellers!

Trying new foods is such an integral part of the travel experience.

As well as the regular packets of biscuits and bottles of sodas and water, the small bus park in Musanze (stop off point for tracking the gorillas in Rwanda) has an interesting selection of snacks for the traveller.

Rwanda seems remarkably free from the heavy, starchy snacks like chapatti, mandazi and ‘defenders’ (‘defender from hunger’ cakes), and even sambosas (samosas) that we have everywhere in Uganda.

In Rwanda, you might break up your bus journey by munching on:

  • Hard-boiled eggs, served with hot akabanga chilli oil of course!
  • Fresh groundnuts in their shells
  • Cape gooseberries – in a plastic bag! – in Rwanda?
  • Strings of bright orange tangerines
  • Igikwanga (chewy snack made of cassava flour) pictured above. On its own igikwanga has little taste. Eat it with groundnuts and it’s rather interesting.
  • Strings of sweet tree tomatoes (it’s rare to see these in Uganda)

I really enjoy Rwandan food and have been known to bring a few titbits back with me to Uganda. Some of the favourite items I’ve found so far are:

  • Nyirangarama strawberry jam. I love strawberries and they are rare to find in Uganda. This strawberry jam is made in Rwanda. It’s delectable and full of fruit.
  • Gishwati cheese. This mild flavoured Gouda-type cheese is very moorish and can withstand a two-day journey back to my village in western Uganda! It’s better priced than any such quality cheese in Uganda. Did you know Gishwati – Mukura is Rwanda’s newest National Park?
  • At Red Rocks Initiatives in Musanze, I tasted potato wine and banana beer. My friend David loved the banana beer so much, he wrote a whole story about it.
  • Rwanda is known for its good quality tea and coffee. Tourists that track the gorillas are given smart-looking presentation boxes of tea or coffee as a memento of their experience.
  • Akagera ‘buffer honey’ is harvested from beehives near the boundary of Akagera National Park.
  • Nyirangarama must be Rwanda’s most popular stopover – and the BEST place I’ve found in East Africa for enjoying baked (Irish) potatoes! I’m drooling just remembering them. They are big, cheap and always ready. They also sell chips. The shop next door sells whole Gishwati cheese, akabanga chilli oil, fresh bread, mandazi (donuts), strawberry yoghurt, Uganda Waragi, takeaway buffet and other snacks. (There’s a free – clean – toilet nearby too).
  • If you’re staying at a tourist hotel, you can often get a packed lunch to take on your journey. The lunch box provided by the Kigali Serena Hotel is one of the smartest I’ve seen. I particularly like the local products.
  • However, by far my favourite takeaway on my last trip to Rwanda was this fantastic sambaza (fish) and matooke chips lunch! Thank you and murakoze to Bethany Hotel on Lake Kivu for this filling and tasty lunch.
sambaza matooke chips lunch. Bethany Hotel Lake Kivu Kibuye, Karongi
Sambaza fish and matooke chips was my favourite lunch of my last trip to Rwanda, thanks to Bethany Hotel Lake Kivu, Kibuye, Karongi

These are some of my favourite Rwandan snacks and foods – and I haven’t even mentioned brochettes and the excellent beers!

Trying local food is such an important part of my travels and so is taking public transport, but beware the ‘helpful porter’ at Musanze who grabs hold of your bag as you exit the bus and demands 500 Rwanda francs to haul it 100 metres!

“No way!” I told him. “I dragged my heavy bag for 20 minutes and no-one paid me!” I joked indignantly in a language he did not understand. I pulled a face and the price dropped to 100 RWF – for a service I didn’t really need.

Which are your favourite East African foods? If you are in Uganda, it may be the rolex! Mombasa street food is a favourite of mine too.

From Silverbacks to Silverchefs!

How far will you go for good food?

From Silverback Mountain Gorillas to Silverchefs – how food is helping put the Gorilla Highlands of southwestern Uganda, Rwanda and the DRC on the tourist map.

Gorilla Highlands Silverchef competition. Kigali Marriott Hotel with Odeke Steven
Odeke the journalist meets Odeke the chef
Gorilla Highlands Silverchef Competition Kigali 2018
Chief Judge Professor Wolfgang Thome announces the winners of Gorilla Highlands Silverchef Competition 2018 held in Kigali
Gorilla Highlands Silverchef Competition Kigali 2018

“You came all this way just to attend a cooking competition?”

After a month of living in the village on posho (maize porridge) and beans, little persuasion was needed to travel a day and a half to taste the creations of sixteen chefs and to enjoy the Kigali Marriott Hotel’s phenomenal breakfast!

How could I resist the lure of food (that I didn’t have to prepare), a stay in a top international hotel, the chance to learn more about hospitality (my first jobs were in hotels) and to network with tourism colleagues and media from across East Africa?  

Most importantly though, I was delighted to be invited to support the work of Gorilla Highlands (the brains behind the Silverchef Competition), creating positive stories about this ridiculously beautiful corner of the world.

Lake Bunyonyi viewed from Bushara Island
Lake Bunyonyi viewed from Bushara Island, southwestern Uganda, part of the Gorilla Highlands region

And so it was that I found myself traveling from my current home near Fort Portal to Kigali: by boda boda, matatu taxi, bus, private hire car, another matatu, bus (Jaguar Executive Coaches, comme d’habitude) and finally a moto (the Rwandese word for motorbike or boda boda) from Nyabugogo bus park in downtown Kigali.

What is the Silverchef Competition?

“In a spirit of friendly co-operation” sixteen chefs representing sixteen establishments from Uganda, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo congregated at the Kigali Marriott Hotel for Gorilla Highlands’ Silverchef Competition 2018.

Gorilla Highlands Silverchef Kigali Marriott
Behind the scene preparations at the Kigali Marriott Hotel. PHOTO Lorna Pasqua

Two shifts of eight chefs took over the four kitchens of the Marriott Hotel to prepare their dishes. Behind the scenes, the judges watched the chefs’ preparations. Each chef had the same ingredients (points were deducted for anyone who did not stick closely to the rules!) Chefs were judged not only for the taste of their food but the chefs’ presentation skills, their creativity and their time management skills.

sampling Silverchef Competition entries 2018
After the judges’ had sampled the chefs’ creations, it was our turn to try all the yummy dishes! PHOTO Panoractu

Talking about the competition, Miha Logar of Gorilla Highlands said “It’s good for chefs to get away from their own environment once in a while. They often lead a demanding lifestyle, far away from their family. We believe that events like this build a chef’s self-confidence. Having the chance to travel is a bit of an adventure, whether visiting a new country or a different part of their own country.”

“I see chefs as ambassadors” says Miha Logar. “They are a key part of a great tourism experience.” Pictured here: Chef Henry Wanyama with Katara Lodge’s Chef Catherine, the only female Silverchef entrant

Not only was 2018 memorable for being Silverchef’s inaugural event in Rwanda, the Democratic Republic of Congo also joined the competition for the very first time. (Guess which lucky travel blogger has an invitation to Goma?)

“It’s been a big decision to work in the DRC and I’d like to thank all the stakeholders in the region who have given their input, suggestions and thoughts on this subject.” Will next year’s Silverchef find us in the DRC? We wait and see.

Silverchef Competition 2017, Birdnest Bunyonyi Resort, Uganda
Chefs from the Kigali Marriott and southwestern Uganda gathered for the Silverchef Competition 2017, held at Birdnest Bunyonyi Resort, Uganda

Previous editions of Silverchef have been held in Uganda: in Kisoro, Kabale and Lake Bunyonyi.

What is travel without good food?

Although at first glance the point of the Silverchef Competition is to win the prized silver chef’s hat, the event is part of a bigger strategic initiative. At the heart of the Gorilla Highlands’ philosophy is the belief that tourism can be a major tool for development. Tourism creates much-needed jobs and opportunities to train. With little local industry or manufacturing, tourism is the best bet for bringing revenue. Financial investment is important, but training, opportunity, innovation and self-confidence are also crucial.

Chefs bring their supporters and managers to Silverchef. Some hotel managers travel to the event looking for new staff. For lodge staff, tour operators and the wider tourism industry, the weekend of the annual Gorilla Highlands Silverchef Competition is a chance to interact, network and learn – about cooking, regional tourism and hospitality, and what tourism in the region needs to develop and flourish.

Silverchef 2018 judges, Kigali Marriott Hotel
Silverchef 2018 judges, Kigali Marriott Hotel

This year’s Silverchef judges were (from left): last year’s Silverchef winner Allan Mukasa, Sylvia Kalembe of Uganda Tourism Board, Chief Judge Professor Wolfgang Thome, Yves K. Ngenzi of Rwanda Development Board and Andre Ngoja-Ngoja from HORECA the Association for Hoteliers, Restaurants and Cafes in North Lake Kivu, DRC. The incomparable compere was Nash Barrett, Co-Founder SafeMotos.

all-day hike Bwindi Impenetrable Forest. Gorilla Highlands
An all-day hike with Gorilla Highlands three years ago took us across Bwindi Impenetrable Forest. We started in Buhoma and ended in Nkuringo – pure magic from start to finish!

What is Gorilla Highlands?

Many tourists come to this area of East Africa because of the gorillas, but there is so much more to explore in the region: hiking volcanoes, staying the night in a community homestay, experiencing one of the region’s cultures and eating good food of course!

So who were the winners of Gorilla Highlands’ Silverchef 2018?

According to Miha, “in our book, all the competing chefs are winners. They’ve committed to taking part in the competition and we are grateful for that.” That said, here’s the list of Quality Cooking Certificate winners:

  • Chef “Rama” Ramadhan Sindayigaya, Marriott, Kigali (Rwanda) – Gorilla Highlands Silverchef 2018 and best Rwandese chef.
  • Mukungu Akimu, Grand Legacy Hotel, Jinja (Uganda) – best Ugandan chef
  • Manishimwe Jean Bosco, Lake Kivu Serena Hotel, Gisenyi (Rwanda)
  • Musasa Marcellin Tshite, Virunga Lodge, Volcanoes National Park (Rwanda)
  • Odeke Silver, Cephas Inn, Kabale (Uganda)
  • Jean Bosco Birindwa, Ihusi Hotel, Goma (DR Congo) – best Congolese chef
  • Otim Amos, Protea Hotel, Kampala (Uganda)
  • Emmanuel Murwanashyaka, ParkInn by Radisson, Kigali (Rwanda)
  • Sam Mbabazi, Bunyonyi Overland Resort, Kabale (Uganda)
  • Paul Mulyampiti, BirdNest Resort – Lake Bunyonyi (Uganda)

The best Rwandan chef also received a prize from Rwanda Development Board: a trip to Volcanoes National Park to track the gorillas! The winning chef from Uganda won a trip to track the gorillas in Uganda, courtesy of the Uganda Tourism Board and Uganda Wildlife Authority.

Visit the Gorilla Highlands web site to learn more about travel in southwestern Uganda, Rwanda and the DR Congo.

The rolex: celebrating Uganda’s uniqueness!

How the humble ‘rolex’ celebrates Uganda’s uniqueness!

How do you sum up Uganda, the Pearl of Africa to would-be visitors? And what makes Uganda unique?

I received an interesting email recently: “I have been following your adventures and love what you do. Uganda is a country with incredible soul and you manage to capture it in the most beautiful and charming ways. We are currently working on a campaign that aims to inspire unity amongst Africans and promote Africa as the ultimate travel destination.”

I was therefore asked to “shoot a short video of yourself explaining what makes Uganda such a wonderful country.”

If you’ve read my “50 reasons why I love Uganda” you’ll know that creating a one-minute video to encapsulate all of that would be impossible! I wrote 50 reasons to honour 50 years of Uganda’s independence – that list gets longer day by day.

I was touring Uganda at the time, researching the country’s best lodges for Fodor’s “Complete Guide to the African Safari” guidebook. As the video deadline approached, I was in Buhoma, Bwindi Impenetrable Forest.

Bwindi Bar, Buhoma, rolex
New Vision columnist Arthur Katabalwa and Mariana and chef Alex at Bwindi Bar, a Volcanoes Safaris Partnership Trust project

I happened to be travelling with former Urban TV producer Arthur Katabalwa – and what followed was an impromptu piece to camera during a rolex-making demo!

chef Bwindi Bar Buhoma, rolex
Bwindi Bar chef Alex (trained by the Volcanoes Safaris Partnership Trust charity) prepares for his TV debut! Making a rather posh rolex!

(Fast forward the video to 1 minute 30 seconds to meet bloggers from Uganda!)

The rolex “rolled eggs” (omelette) wrapped in a chapati is becoming infamous now. This simple street food sums up some quintessential Ugandaness:

  • Rolex is Uglish (a unique take on the English language which frequently has us all rolling around the floor in stitches!)
  • Entrepreneurship: setting up a roadside rolex stall is a popular small business in Uganda.
  • The rolex stall is where we stand around chatting as we wait to be served. It’s where we may start our day.
  • It’s where many people end a late night – grabbing a cheap bite to eat after a night on the town. If you’re lucky, your boda boda guy will drive right up to the rolex guy’s stall and you won’t even need to get off your boda!
man making rolex Kampala
Man making the muzungu a rolex. Nakawa market, Kampala

I was honoured to appear alongside well-known Ugandan bloggers Rosebell Kagumire, Ernest Bazanye and Sophie from a Kitchen in Uganda in this video. Incidentally, it was Sophie who helped the rolex go global when it featured on CNN in the article “Delicious African foods you should try.”

Bwindi Bar rolex Buhoma
Bwindi Bar make the BEST ‘posh’ rolex in Buhoma, Bwindi! Not only that, it’s a not for profit training centre for local young people
Trevor Noah Visits Uganda meme Wandegeya, Kampala. rolex
#TrevorNoahVisitsUganda or did he?
Trevor Noah gets his rolex fix (allegedly!) in Wandegeya, Kampala
Enid Mirembe launched the rolex festival in Kampala, Uganda
The rolex is so famous, it even has its own festival in Kampala! The muzungu meets the rolex (beauty) queen and festival creator Mirembe Enid

Do you love reading about African food? Read “Virtually edible – a food tour of Uganda.

“Eating fish” on Lake Victoria – the Muzungu’s guide

“Eating fish” on Lake Victoria – the Muzungu’s guide

Regular readers of Diary of a Muzungu will know how much I enjoy venturing off the beaten track and sharing my favourite Uganda travel experiences. Here is my Guide to eating fish on Lake Victoria, Kampala – a few day out ideas you won’t find on any tourist itinerary.

“Eating fish” on the shores of Lake Victoria is very much a “hands-on,” communal experience, great for a weekend outing. Where shall we go this week-end?

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, KSL Kabaka's Landing Site, Kampala

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, KSL Kabaka’s Landing Site, Kampala

Let’s start with Ggaba

The fishing village of Ggaba derives its name from the Luganda word for ‘serve.’ The small landing site on the edge of Lake Victoria became known for its free and bountiful fish, giving the generous ‘serving’ spirit of the place its name. Ggaba and nearby Munyonyo are reached by driving south (approximately 12 km) from Kampala city centre, through Kabalagala and Kansanga. Ggaba is deliciously close to the Muzungu’s home.

There are different venues for different tastes. Here are my personal favourites.

Ggaba Beach Resort on Ggaba’s waterfront is probably the best-known place to eat fish on the Ugandan shores of Lake Victoria

The Ggaba Beach compound is a mixture of painted white buildings, symmetrical grass lawns and tarmac. There’s no actual beach but it is on the waterfront. It’s safe for kids to run around, but to me the place lacks personality: too much concrete and too many straight lines. That said, the fish is excellent and the service is good.

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Part of the huge Ggaba Beach compound at Ggaba, Kampala, Uganda

Ggaba Beach is a good place to watch activity on Lake Victoria: wooden ferries moving people and firewood across the waterfront.

Diary of a Muzungu’s day out tips

  • Secure parking costs 1,000 shillings.
  • Fried whole Tilapia costs 25 / 30 / 35,000 Uganda shillings; 5,000 UGX for chips.
  • Ggaba Beach is a popular venue for big pop concerts, thus occasionally closed to fish-eating visitors at weekends.
  • The music can be LOUD!
  • Er… there is no actual ‘beach’ at Ggaba Beach!

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. View from Ggaba Beach compound across to Bole and Mukono. Ggaba, Kampala, Uganda

BEST FOR: families, secure parking, watching life on Lake Victoria

DIRECTIONS: drive to the end of Ggaba Road, through the trading centre and down a short steep hill. Ggaba Beach is the modern white compound in front of you. (Brits: think Butlins!)

Kabaka’s Landing Site (KLS) at Mulungu, Munyonyo

It was from here, in the 1870s, that Kabaka Mutesa embarked on hippo hunting expeditions to Lake Bulingugwe and beyond. The hippos are gone, and so is the Kabaka’s fleet of canoes, but Mulungu is still known as the Royal Port.

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Brightly coloured umbrellas at Kabaka’s Landing Site – also known as KLS – Mulungu, next to Munyonyo, Kampala

Down at the shorefront restaurants of KLS, there are no frills, just fried whole Tilapia, Nile Perch and reasonably priced drinks beers, sodas and Uganda Waragi gin. Yum!

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

It doesn’t get fresher than this! A customer choosing his piece of Nile Perch at KLS Kabaka’s Landing Site. Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria

Diary of a Muzungu’s day out tips

  • Entering the Kabaka’s Landing Site costs 1,000 Uganda shillings per person. Money goes to the Buganda Kingdom.
  • Whole fried Tilapia are priced at between 15 / 25,000 Uganda shillings; 3,000 UGX for chips.
  • The guys and girls who serve you fish will bring you water to wash your hands with. They usually, but not always, have soap.
  • If you don’t want to eat with your hands, take your own knife and fork, and serviettes.
  • There is a very basic selection of drinks available, e.g. beers, some sodas and Uganda Waragi. If you like tonic water, you can bring your own.
  • Take a pen and paper for working out the bill and keeping a note of the number of drinks!
  • A word about lake flies. When we went in March, we were blitzed. Lake flies don’t bite but they can be incredibly annoying.
  • KLS is a nice spot for bird watching and watching the sun go down over Lake Victoria.
  • You can also buy fresh fish, gutted and descaled, to cook at home.
  • While you’re sitting on the waterfront, you may be asked if you want to take a boat out into Murchison Bay. I’ve seen a couple of lifejackets, but I’ve also seen people boarding holding bottles of Nile Special. Not entirely sure how safe said boats are…
  • Despite outward appearances of KLS, there are decent toilet facilities. Just ask.

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Entry to the Kabaka’s Landing Site is managed by the Buganda Kingdom. Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, Kampala

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

I love being surrounded by nature – but don’t fear the huge Marabou Storks, they are all part of the experience. Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, KLS Kabaka’s Landing Site

BEST FOR: groups of friends, bird watching, Buganda history

DIRECTIONS: from Ggaba Road, pass Speke Resort Munyonyo and the turning to KSL is a few hundred metres further on the left. The road has recently been tarmacked.

The waterfront market at Ggaba Landing Site

For the more adventurous – and the best prices – head right down to the waterfront itself, where you may even watch your fish being landed and descaled. Men play pool under the tin roofs of the quayside. On the waterfront, the fish is frying and the market is in full swing. It’s a great place to sit and watch the world go by if you enjoy a bit of a crowd.

Diary of a Muzungu. Ggaba landing site, Kampala, Uganda

Diary of a Muzungu at Ggaba landing site on Lake Victoria. PHOTO Isabel Romano, Diario de Abordo

Diary of a Muzungu’s day out tips

  • Ggaba can be congested. If possible, leave your car and walk the last few hundred metres. Alternatively, someone will help you find a place to park, in exchange for a small tip.
  • Monday is market day, however, every day you can buy fresh fish, smoked fish, the best value dried mukenne (silver fish), all your fruit and vegetables, tripe and offal, everyday household goods and vibrant Tanzanian fabrics, imported via Mwanza, a day’s ferry ride away.

BEST FOR: people watching, shopping

DIRECTIONS: drive to the end of Ggaba Road, through the trading centre and down a short steep hill, on through the market.

Beach House, Event Gardens, Ggaba

Undoubtedly the most laidback place to eat fish, Beach House is a favourite with couples, students from Kampala University accommodation and groups of friends. On Sunday afternoons it’s a popular hang-out for a small group of bikers.

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Beautifully wrapped packets of g nuts (ground nuts) arrived just in time to go with my beer, courtesy of this friendly young man with very cool shades. Beach House Event Gardens, Ggaba.

I love the lake view and the flocks of Marabou Storks with their background of Papyrus swamp. Kick off your shoes and enjoy the feel of grass under your feet.

Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria - Diary of a Muzungu

Quiet gardens on the edge of Lake Victoria at Beach House Event Gardens, Ggaba – can get busy at week-ends, especially with students from the next door Kampala University accommodation. Where to eat fish.

Where to eat fish on Lake Victoria. Ggaba, Kampala

Once you see this view, turn left and head down to Beach house Event Gardens. Students from Kampala University walking to Ggaba market

Diary of a Muzungu’s day out tips

  • As well as whole fried Tilapia, Beach House also sells roasted meat (muchomo) in the evenings.
  • A whole Tilapia and chips costs 30k UGX.
  • There is a small car park, for which there is no charge.
  • Here you can catch a boat across Murchison Bay to Bole and Mukono District. Ask someone to call the boat over while you have a beer. It should cost you just 8,000 UGX to hire a boat to take you across. This is the cheapest way to cross to Lakeside Adventure Park or Lagoon Resort, both brilliant places for a day out or a weekend away. Just say Diary of a Muzungu sent you! (From Bole landing site, you will need to catch a boda for a very scenic 10 minute ride through the Bush).

BEST FOR: nature, watching the sun set over Lake Victoria, romance

DIRECTIONS: There are two ways to reach Beach House: through Ggaba trading centre and then left at the main boda stage, or, passing through Bunga, turn left at the Oryx petrol station (formerly Engen). Look for the Kampala University accommodation signpost.

Thanks for reading The Muzungu’s Guide to eating fish, Lake Victoria, Kampala. I’ve visited all these places and – at the time of visiting – all information was correct, but I can’t guarantee it will remain so. Do check these places out for yourself, and tell me what you think?

Have you visited any of these popular lakeside destinations? Where do you recommend going to eat fish in Kampala? I’d love to read your comments 🙂

50 reasons why I love Uganda

As one of the shiny new fighter jets flies over my house, no doubt practising for this Tuesday’s independence day fly-past, I’m mulling over the week-end papers, full of stories about Uganda@50 and what the last 50 years of independence have meant to Uganda. Is the country better or worse off as an independent nation? What does the future hold? Will the celebrations be hijacked by anti-government protesters? Will there be tears before bedtime?

I’m no expert on Ugandan politics (although the muzungu is very proud of her politics degree from SOAS) – so let’s leave the analysis to the pundits and have some fun.

So, to celebrate the 50th anniversary of independence, I thought I’d share with you my top 50 reasons why I Love Uganda.

I Love Uganda logo

I Love Uganda! ’tis true

1. Airtime. Everywhere you go, every shop, bar or street corner can sell you mobile phone credit, for as little as 200 Uganda shillings (a few cents or pennies).

2. Boda boda. There are 100,000 of these motorbike taxis in Kampala. Huge fun but use with extreme caution. Don’t expect them to hang around if you have an accident. Read How to ride a boda boda. 

Boda bodas Uganda

Boda bodas Uganda

3. Birds, birds birds. I LOVE BIRDS! And Uganda has over 1000 species: pretty, beautiful, stunning, huge, noisy, elegant, comical, graceful, they’re all here.

Great Blue Turaco, Sunbird Hill. Kibale Forest edge

Great Blue Turaco, Sunbird Hill. Kibale Forest edge

4. Bus Journeys. Hmmm am I crazy? Frankly, any bus journey could be your last but one of my favourite memories is taking a bus from Kasese down to Butogota. 10,000 shillings for a free Safari as we drove down through Maramagambo Forest sighting elephants. Ahh.

5. Cappuccino. I love Ugandan coffee, just don’t serve me Star coffee powder!

6. Chimps at Ngamba Island. I fell in love with the hilarious chimps.

Ngamba Island Uganda chimp fingerface www.chrisaustria.com

Ngamba Island Uganda chimp fingerface www.chrisaustria.com

7. Dancing. Africans invented dance! Try keeping me off the dancefloor.

8. Dogs – ‘the boys’ Baldrick and Percy. These recycled street dogs light up my day. Always happy to see me, following me around until I give them what they want – food and a chance to escape the compound and chase a goat.

Baldrick USPCA dog show Kampala Diary of a Muzungu

Baldrick Superdog came First in the Dog with the Waggiest Tail competition at the USPCA dog show

9. Driving in Kampala. Yes the traffic is a nightmare, yes the potholes wreck your car, but there’s something quite liberating about driving through this city at times. Careering over the wrong side of the road to dodge potholes can be fun, let’s be honest!

Idi Amin's car Lubiri Palace Kampala

Idi Amin’s car Lubiri Palace Kampala

10. Dung Beetles rock!

Dung beetles

11. Elephants brought me to Uganda. (Yeah I know, most people would just get on a plane!)

Bull elephant along the Kazinga Channel, Queen Elizabeth National Park - why I love Uganda

Bull elephant feeding along the Kazinga Channel. Can you spot the hippo hiding in front of him?

12. Food menus. Guaranteed entertainment. A menu is simply a guide to what may possibly be available at one given point in time. It does not reflect what is actually in the kitchen.

13. Fruit and vegetables. Huge, fresh, tasty and cheap.

14. Gorillas. I enjoyed the trek through the rainforest as much as meeting Bwindi’s Gentle Giants.

15. Grasshoppers taste greasy and smoky (best dry fried in chilli I’m told).

The muzungu's first taste of grasshoppers - why I love Uganda

The muzungu’s first taste of grasshoppers

16. Greetings! I love the time and care Ugandans take to greet each other properly.

17. The Grey Crowned Crane – previously known as the Crested Crane – is Uganda’s iconic national symbol. The Crested Crane may well be extinct in Uganda within just 20 years, if degradation of the wetlands is not stopped. NatureUganda is leading the campaign to Save the Crane.

Grey Crowned Crane. PHOTO Andy Gooch

The Grey Crowned Crane – commonly known as theCrested Crane – is Uganda’s national bird. PHOTO Andy Gooch

18. Jane Bussman is a British comedy writer campaigning to have Joseph Kony, leader of the LRA, caught. She’s on the ball and she’s hilarious.

19. Jinja, Source of the Nile, interesting colonial architecture, a market that is less congested than Kampala’s – and location for some memorable weekends at Nile River Camp.

20. Kampala Hash House Harriers have taken me to every bar, club – and slum! – across Kampala. The ‘drinking club with a running problem’ meets every Monday night.

21. Kibale Forest is where my friend Julia calls home, ideally at the top of a tree!

22. Lake Victoria. The world’s second largest freshwater lake – and the largest on the African continent – is where we taught our dogs to swim. Even as my feet crunched onto the tiny snails on the lake bed, I seem to have so far avoided Bilharzia! Can dogs catch it too?

A fisherman passes the beach at Munyonyo, Lake Victoria - why I love Uganda

A fisherman passes the beach at Munyonyo, Lake Victoria

23. Lions. Breathtaking – and a lot bigger in real life!

24. Mongooses experience in Queen Elizabeth National Park.

25. Mount Elgon. An unexpected wilderness experience, we climbed through seven habitats in four days and passed only two other groups of people. Would I do it again? Yes. Would I climb Margherita in the Rwenzori’s? One day maybe, but not without getting a LOT fitter first …

26. Muchomo roasted meat. No ‘gizzards’ (entrails) for me. I’m an occasional “chicken on a stick” woman.

27. Mighty Murchison Falls. Isn’t it annoying when you’ve heard the hype, and feel disappointed when you get there? GUARANTEE: you won’t be disappointed when you get to the top of the Falls! Read Stirring up magic at the Devil’s Cauldron, Murchison Falls.

Top of Murchison Falls. Above the Devil's Cauldron. PHOTO Allan Ssenyonga

Top of Murchison Falls – above the Devil’s Cauldron. PHOTO Allan Ssenyonga

28. Music booming out from the church on Sunday morning can drive you to distraction. I love Ugandan music – but no idea what I’m singing along to!

29. Namuwongo. Once maligned as a no-go area of Kampala (I found out after living there for a year), I love Namuwongo. Squashed between the industrial area and smarter Muyenga, it’s where I first fell in love with Uganda.

30. Owino market has everything you could ever want to buy, but it’s hard work.

31. Power cuts can drive you crazy. But the romance of candlelight has its moments 😉

32. River Nile. “Bring it on!” I screamed on my first Grade 5 white water rafting expedition. Second time around, I invited a friend to take my place; third time rafting, and I bailed out as the biggest rapids approached! Feeling nervous, learning to trust your guide, screaming with laughter as you successfully (or not!) negotiate the rapids, you’ll certainly never forget a day on the Nile.
white water rafting River Nile Jinja

33. Rolex or ‘rolled eggs’ – an omelette rolled up in a chapati – is my favourite street food. Bigger than a snack, although no self respecting Ugandan could possibly call a rolex a meal (since that should be served on a plate at a table). Rolex taste best at midnight in Kabalagala on the way home from a bar 😉

TrevorNoahVisitsUganda Wandegeya rolex

#TrevorNoahVisitsUganda or did he?
Trveor Noah gets his rolex fix (allegedly) in Wandegeya, Kampala

Read The rolex: celebrating Uganda’s uniqueness. 

34. Safari. Every Safari is different. To say that you have “done X Park” when you visited for a day or two just doesn’t make sense. I can’t get enough game drives!

Rothschild's Giraffe, Murchison Falls National Park

Rothschild’s Giraffe, Murchison Falls National Park

35. Sense of humour. Ugandans can charm the pants off you. Difficult situations tend to be dealt with humour, so refreshing after living in London where people resort to shouting and swearing.

36. Simpson. My ‘Ugandan brother‘ has been with me through thick and thin (in fact he became very thin when he was a student, going without food so he could afford the fare to university). He’s my hero! His graduation is 20th of October, and I have a front seat. I’m so proud of him. But wait – next up he’s going to be a pop star!

37. Smoking. Oh yes. Cigarettes are cheap and we spend most of our time outside. No stuffy rules to worry us!

38. Snakes. Would I like to find one in my shower? No, but they do fascinate me.

39. Sunrise and Sunset. A reason to get up early and a reason to have a drink in your hand 😉

April sunset from Butterfly Cottage, Sunbird Hill

April sunset from Butterfly Cottage, Sunbird Hill

40. Tilapia. Best eaten whole, with your hands, on the lake edge at Ggaba.

41. Totems. Having the Ugandan name ‘Nagawa’ – thanks to my friend Rashid – has been a huge icebreaker. It’s given me hours of fun. I’m therefore a member of the Nkima red tailed monkey clan.

42. Uganda Conservation Foundation. Anti-poaching and human wildlife conflict – a.k.a. anything to do with elephants – is the mission of UCF, whom I volunteered with for nearly three years.

43. Uganda Museum. Dusty and under resourced, the Museum is still a gem. I’ve fallen for its charms.

display of spears at the Uganda Museum

The Uganda Museum contains historical and cultural artefacts – and even the country’s first printing press!

44. Uganda souvenir photo map. This great fun project keeps my creative heart thumping. I’ve just created a new Uganda souvenir photo  map gallery page on Facebook.

Uganda photo map copyright Andrew Roberts Charlotte Beauvoisin

Map of Uganda courtesy of Andrew Roberts – I personalise these maps with your favourite photos to make “your own map of Uganda” – here’s just one of the many I have made

45. Uganda Waragi is a triple distilled ‘war gin.’ Handbag size bottles available ladies 😉

46. Uglish. Otherwise known as Ugandan English, this language gives us – expats and Ugandans alike – endless laughs. I tried to keep a straight face when Janero told me he had “pregnanted his girlfriend.” To read more up funny examples, check out the superb Uglish Facebook page

47. UWEC Uganda Wildlife Education Centre (once Entebbe Zoo) has a cafe overlooking the beach. Everything seems to be sold out by the time I get there – but the view’s worth it. You can see virtually all of Uganda’s big mammals at UWEC.

48. Vultures are ugly but our health depends on them. Fascinating!

49. Weather. Even when it rains, the sun comes out a few minutes later.

50. Writing Diary of a Muzungu has kept me distracted (when Ugandan TV couldn’t) and kept me sane (kind of!) when life hasn’t gone to plan. Thank you so much to everyone who reads this. You make the late nights and the missed week-ends all worthwhile.

50 reasons why I love Uganda – and I could have found more! So  tell me what would be in your top 50 things you love about Uganda?

– I know my Ugandan friends will scream MATOKE! (steamed green banana – compulsory eating for many!)

Yes, we have no bananas

“Yes, we have no bananas” a song that could have been written in celebration of Uganda’s favourite fast food

Banana snacks on a Ugandan road trip

Two hands of bananas guide us on our road trip

Bananas require no preparation, no refrigeration – and they’re cheap; just reach out your arm and you’ll find one – in villages, along the roadside, in the corner shop and balanced in wide baskets on ladies’ heads amongst the traffic jams in downtown Kampala.

Boda boda driver delivering matoke bananas

I’m not a mathematician but … if Uganda were an equation, surely:  matoke + boda boda = UG?

Baby Dillon can eat four sweet bananas for breakfast!

I arrived at Julia’s homestay on the edge of Kibale Forest plastered in banana – they were everywhere I looked. Fresh bananas were ‘ever waiting’ for the guests at Julia’s. We brought them with us from Kampala too, although they quickly turned brown in the hot car.

Three days in the Bush, all banana’d out, we point the car in the direction of the crater lakes of Fort Portal and pass a lady selling fruit under a tree.

“Would you like some more bananas?” Julia asks.

“No thanks.”

I may well have eaten a banana too many. I tell you what love, I’ll tell you where you can stick your bananas.

And from 1923, a song by Louis Prima that sticks in my head as stubbornly as banana puree clings to my once-clean trousers ….

*Check your sound’s on*

1, 2, 3 let’s sing along to: “Yes, we have no Bananas”…

There’s a fruit store on our street
It’s run by a Greek
And he keeps good things to eat but you should hear him speak!
When you ask him anything, he never answers “no”
He just “yes”es you to death, and as he takes your dough he tells you
“Yes, we have no bananas
We have-a no bananas today
We’ve string beans, and onions
Cabashes, and scallions,
And all sorts of fruit and say
We have an old fashioned tomato
A Long Island potato but yes, we have no bananas
We have no bananas today”
Business got so good for him that he wrote home today,
“Send me Pete and Nick and Jim; I need help right away”
When he got them in the store, there was fun, you bet
Someone asked for “sparrow grass” and then the whole quartet
All answered “Yes, we have no bananas
We have-a no bananas today
Just try those coconuts
Those walnuts and doughnuts
There ain’t many nuts like they
We’ll sell you two kinds of red herring,
Dark brown, and ball-bearing
But yes, we have no bananas
We have no bananas today
“He, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha whatta you laugh at?
You gotta soup or pie?
Yes, I don’t think we got soup or pie
You gotta coconut pie?
Yes, I don’t think we got coconut pie
Well I’ll have one cup a coffee
We gotta no coffee
Then watta you got?
I got a banana!
Oh you’ve got a banana!
Yes, we gotta no banana, No banana, No banana, I tell you we gotta no banana today
I sella you no banana
Hey, Mary Anna, you gotta… gotta no banana?
Why this man, he’s no believe-a what I say… no… he no believe me…
Now whatta you wanta mister? You wanna buy twelve for a quarter?
Well, just a one of a look, I’m gonna call for my daughter
Hey, Mary Anna You gotta piana
Yes, a banana, no
Yes, we gotta no bananas today!
The new English “clerk”:
Yes, we are very sorry to inform you
That we are entirely out of the fruit in question
The afore-mentioned vegetable bearing the cognomen “Banana
We might induce you to accept a substitute less desirable,
But that is not the policy at this internationally famous green grocery
I should say not. No no no no no no no
But may we suggest that you sample our five o’clock tea
Which we feel certain will tempt your pallet?
However we regret that after a diligent search
Of the premises By our entire staff
We can positively affirm without fear of contradiction
That our raspberries are delicious; really delicious
Very delicious but we have no bananas today.
So tell me, do you have a banana?

The son-in-laws I never knew I had: funeral of my namesake, Jajja

gomezi basuti Muganda funeral

“I only came so I could see you in your gomezi!” I teased Harriet. She looked beautiful.

Anxious not to arrive halfway through another Ugandan funeral, I decided to check that “4 o’clock” means the same for me as it does for my Ugandan friend Harriet. I’m glad I called: the 4 p.m. service had been brought forward by two hours and is 40 km outside Kampala; there’s the service in town to attend first too.

We’re late of course.

Kampala traffic is its usual snarled-up mess. “Kampala’s a dump” says Harriet’s aunt Sanyu; well it’s certainly a bit of a culture shock in comparison to rural south-east England where she lives.

Halfway through the service and there’s still no sign of the coffin.

After the service we go outside and the hearse opens to reveal a white coffin. I don’t want to cause a scene but … [didn’t I see a brown wooden coffin lying on the grass in front of Jajja’s house … ? Do we have the right coffin?]*

“Would you like to look at it?” Sanyu asks me. (I assume she means Jajja’s body, not just the coffin, but by now I am rather confused). We agree it doesn’t seem right, seeing Jajja for the last time in the open car park, but Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t allow the body inside Kingdom Hall.

Two hours later at Kalassa, 40 km north of Kampala, it’s our turn to be stared at as we pull up and park under a tree. The caterers prepare gigantic pots of food – enough for 3-400 people – over open fires. A man throws his full weight into stirring a gigantic tin pot of thick maize posho.

Muganda funeral catering

The bush kitchen was in full swing when we arrived. Catering for a funeral

Groups of older ladies in their best and brightest gomezi sit on woven mats under the cool canopy of the mango tree.  Boys sit on the tree’s trunk-like roots.  Young men distribute red, blue and the ubiquitous white plastic chairs under the marquees that surround the coffin on three sides. The open casket lies under a smaller marquee in the shade of the tree. The roses wilt and droop in the intense midday heat – so do we.

It’s difficult to stay awake as we await the other mourners.

After an hour and a half, Harriet still hasn’t arrived. We hear police are using water cannon and letting off tear gas and bullets back in town (it’s a few weeks after Presidential elections). We just hope the funeral party isn’t stuck on the wrong side of the protests.

One of Jajja’s greatest legacies was the establishment, 40 years ago, of a primary school for the children of Nsambya police barracks, the largest of its kind in East and Central Africa. The Ugandan police are poorly paid and the barracks are shockingly bad. The police bus, kindly provided to ferry teachers and mourners from Nsambya, has been caught up in the riots and has to be escorted through the trouble as disgruntled young men start throwing missiles at it. Luckily everyone gets through safely.

These events require a lot of patience: the long drive, the language barrier, the religion, the greetings, the hot sun, delayed schedules, the need to wait for everyone to arrive from every part of the country. It’s strange for me to have this enforced time out of the office mid-week but there’s no power anyway after last night’s powerful windstorm. My right hand is ‘paining me,’ I shouldn’t be handwriting these notes but, with no laptop for the foreseeable future, I have to live with it.

I doze in my chair.

I’m relieved the Police Commandant delivers his speech in both Luganda and English. “We would all have been here” he says “but you know what’s going on.” He’s referring to the Opposition’s ‘Walk to Work’ campaign ostensibly in protest at the sharp increase in the cost of living.  To help reduce household bills in particular, people are asking the government to reduce the amount of tax levied on petrol. This campaign is being led by the Opposition parties who are still contesting the results of the Presidential elections.

Armed police units ready to meet the protesters

Military police have been stationed at strategic points around Kampala on and off for weeks now. They were just hanging around when we passed them but things hotted up later on …

On TV the World Bank reports that the cost of food globally has increased by 34% in one year, predominantly due to increase in oil prices. Poor people spend most of their money on food so they are the hardest hit. Some people here are even talking about ‘going back to the village.’ They won’t earn money there but at least they have land to farm and thus won’t starve. Ultimately every Ugandan has a village to go back to, although stories of people selling their land to move to the city are increasingly common.

Back at the graveside, hundreds of people crowd precariously on the mounds of earth heaped up around the small hole in the ground amid the coffee trees. The traditional Muganda barkcloth is laid over the coffin as it’s lowered into the ground.

Hundreds of people crowd around the graveside. Muganda funeral. barkcloth

The traditional barkcloth is laid over the coffin as it is lowered into the ground. Hundreds of people crowd around the graveside

Harriet’s brother Martin shows me the family’s burial plot and invites me to cleanse my hands with the sap from the stalk of the banana tree, part of the funeral ritual.

Practicing my rudimentary Luganda to meet and greet Harriet’s family offers some light relief after the day’s formalities. Being given a Muganda name “Nagawa” has given me hours of fun and I am delighted to be the same clan as Jajja. Our totem is the Red Tailed Monkey. Since Jajja has passed on, I (her clanmate) have assumed the role of Jajja. I discover that being Jaja means I am mother-in-law to two men who are the same age as my father! (Sanyu tries to explain how the relations between clans work but I’m not sure I get it). Either way, I am honoured.

Beautifully dressed lady mourners walking home after the funeral in the village. Muganda funeral

Beautifully dressed lady mourners walking home after the funeral in the village

Last week I wrote:

Jajja is very sick. It’s very sad. She’s lying in a metal framed hospital bed in the clinic. It’s a typical Ugandan setup: drab and old-fashioned but dust-free from daily mopping. Jajja has been on a drip since yesterday but these visits to the clinic seem to be getting more regular. Harriet’s worried and she hasn’t been sleeping. She is stressing over the house girls who are paid to look after Jajja but who instead just sit around watching TV. It’s a shame I didn’t get to know Jajja before she was ill. She’s 87 now.

Harriet is a devoted granddaughter, trying to feed Jajja, organising people to look after her. It seems the main responsibility keeps falling back to her though, whatever arrangements she tries to make.

Last night Harriet slept in Jajja’s hospital room, in a mat under her bed. She was covered in mosquito bites this morning.

*As for the mystery over the two coffins, it turns out that the family had bought a second, more expensive one: the white one I had seen at Kingdom Hall.

I’m further alarmed the next day when I notice the original brown coffin stored in one of the spare rooms. I know the family need beds for all the relatives staying, but seriously???

Can we stick with the mammals please?

Give me a mammal – even a crop-raiding elephant! – any day. Just spare me the insects, please…

I feel sick, I feel excited, I feel sick. What the hell is happening to me?

I’m getting excited at the thought of T coming over tonight so I set about cooking – for a change. Living on my own has made me lazy and I realise how I miss cooking for someone, how the thought of having him around is good for me.

2 ring gas cooker. kitchen Kampala

2 ring gas cooker. my kitchen in Kampala

Time to cook dinner.

I picked up our heavy wooden chopping board and placed it on the counter. I didn’t like the look of that side so flipped it over: SCREAM! What? How can that be?

Stuck to the wood, squashed paper thin is the biggest – and certainly the flattest – cockroach I’ve ever seen. I scream.

Now what?

Luckily Simpson is home so he does the honours and scrapes the offending insect off the board and scrubs the board clean for me. I quickly put the scene behind me – see how I’ve grown up since I arrived in Uganda? – and dinner’s soon bubbling away on the stove.

A little later, I hear the telltale sign of the tank (a.k.a. T’s diesel engine) in the compound. In walks T with an enormous and beautiful fish, a Nile Perch “introduced into Lake Victoria by your grandfathers” he says. I wasn’t sure if T would definitely turn up so I’m delighted to see him and quite touched that he’s decided to surprise me with this beautiful fish.

It’s over a foot long, glistening silver and beautiful. We stand there admiring it – and then I freeze. Cockroaches. Cockroaches?! They’re coming from everywhere, they’re running all over the counter, jumping in the drawer, scurrying under the cooker.

I feel sick.

“You’ve brought them in with the fish!” I accuse, in the nicest way I can find.

“No way. They can’t have been in the fish, you must have them in your kitchen.”

“They must’ve been in the cavera (plastic bag),” I say and he doesn’t argue with me.

T quickly kills most of them, mashing them into the wall with a spatula, and I try and forget about them, kicking their bodies out of sight for Eva to pick up in the morning. (It’s ok, she and I have an understanding).

We can’t agree on how to cook the fish. I try and explain how I’m used to having an oven and that I don’t know how to cook a big fish like this on the gas ring. I feel pathetic: I can’t cook fish on the gas and have never cut up or prepared a big fish like this. I think of the sanitised individual portions I used to buy back home in the UK. T’s been trying to persuade me to start eating meat again, and I’m wary of discussing the subject of ‘what to do with this big fish.’

I feel sorry for him. He’s hardly talking, he’s still ill (suspected Malaria is now suspected Typhoid) and I expect the last thing he wants to do is hack up a big fish, but I cannot do it. I’m still reeling from the explosion of insects and I’m upset that communicating with T seems to be getting harder for some reason. I would really have to be in the right frame of mind to tackle this. A blunt knife doesn’t help – he’s not getting it done quickly enough for me! I don’t want to be around this.

I try to button my lip (who wants to hear the moaning mzungu?) The sight of blood and scales blocking the sink makes me go pale but I’m relieved and grateful that he’s almost done, now washing the chopping board and the knife.

Then, when I think the worst of the carnage is out of the way, and he’s about to start frying the fish, he decides to cut the head in two. For God’s sake. It’s quite normal for Ugandans to eat the head but he does this transverse section, slicing directly though the brains. I have never seen so many shades of red. I couldn’t suppress one “YUCK!” I think I earned it.

7cm long cicada insect cockroach lookalike

I screamed that this was a cockroach but this lookalike is apparently a cicada that lives in the trees in our compound

So all in all quite an evening: that big cockroach that Simpson insists isn’t a cockroach (it’s just got enormous wings and can’t run like one but it IS one), then the many little ones.

Let’s not forget the mosquitoes – the house if full of them. Every room. T spent the rest of the night with the mosquito bat investigating every nook and cranny of the house. Twice. As he finishes sweeping one area he moves back to where he started : he’s a man on a mission, especially now he thinks he’s had Malaria.

Carrots, cabbage and eggs

Leaning how to decipher the local food menu

Vegetarian option on a local menu in Kampala stated simply: cabbage, carrots and eggs.

I called the waiter over. “So sebo [Sir] can you tell me a bit more about this dish please?”

He looked at the menu carefully and said “Yes madam. It is cabbage, carrots and eggs.”

“Thank you sebo. But can you tell me how it’s prepared please? For example, does it have herbs? Are there some other ingredients? How is it cooked?”

He walked off to the kitchen to ask the chef and returned a few minutes later. He stopped ten feet from our table and bowed slightly towards us. He then announced seriously “Yes madam. It is cooked.”

“Yes, but how is it cooked?

As tantalising as it sounded, we didn’t go for the veggie option that night!

On a Mission(ary) – remembering the Muzungu’s first Christmas in Uganda

An expat Christmas in Kampala

It hardly befitted common (misconceived) notions of the starving in Africa: there was marquee after marquee of food.

I’ve never seen so much food in my life, honestly.

The buffet was immense.

Here I am ‘busy saving the world’ – apparently – spending my first Christmas in Africa and we’re all wasting platefuls of food. I was quite disgusted at how many rich Ugandans piled their plates high with food and didn’t eat more than a few spoonfuls of it.

Christmas Day buffet Speke Resort Kampala

Christmas Day buffet Speke Resort Kampala – that’s a lot of food – and this was just one of many marquees …

Speke Resort Munyonyo is where we impoverished volunteers had decided to blow our December allowance. Living on a volunteer allowance means you end up eating the same food, day in day out. This one day feasting at Speke Resort more than made up for the penny pinching! (How my belly hurts just remembering my repeat trips to the various marquees!)

Christmas cheese selection Speke Resort

Despite the country’s obsession with cows, cheese remains an imported delicacy in Uganda

There was a double marquee of Ugandan food, another of international food including various pastas.

There was a small marquee dedicated to Chinese stirfry!

expat Christmas in Kampala

Seafood – a whole table of it – never before seen in Kampala (not by a volunteer at least!)

Another marquee was full of cheese – CHEESE! in Uganda! – which was mostly plasticky and a bit foul to be honest; but of course, that didn’t stop me eating far too much.

The last marquee I visited had a massive cake. I’ve actually been inside a REAL Ugandan church the same size as this one (but the roof didn’t taste so sweet and lovely).

Christmas cake Speke Resort

Christmas cake Speke Resort. Yes, I’m holding two plates… two plates x several visits to the various marquees = way, way too greedy, I confess

Christmas in Kampala was fun – apart from the bloody weather. It started drizzling the moment we arrived at Speke Resort. It didn’t stop raining until the next day as we packed our bags into the car to leave! So much for making use of the fantastic (almost Olympic) swimming pool.

“This is the last time I spend the Bank Holiday with you!” I teased Cheryl (we had previously spent a very wet week-end at Lake Bunyonyi at Easter). Is she the Wet Weather Omen?

Twenty of us VSO volunteers and families had a poolside table booked … so we could watch the rain come down… it seemed, rather than enjoy sunbathing and swimming, as planned.

Christmas staff rain Speke Resort

Bedraggled Christmas Day staff at the fantastic Speke Resort, Munyonyo on Lake Victoria, Kampala

Christmas Eve was spent fumigating the kitchen cupboards: “Oh how festive!” you cry.

And so onto my first Kampala New Year’s celebrations…

“There’s not enough sex on your blog” was the feedback on last year’s blogging – and that was just from the family!

So, not wanting to besmirch the family reputation, out I went on New Year’s Eve … on a Mission.

The evening started with a few drinks with fellow VSO volunteers Jo and Liam and pharmacist friend Cheryl, at her accommodation in Nsambya hospital.

In the bathroom, Cheryl’s ‘new housemate’ Gerald nearly steals the show! With antennae of at least an inch long, wiggling at me from underneath the hand basin, I don’t hang about to see how long his fearful body must be. [In my first year living in Uganda. I had an obsession: with cockroaches].

En route to (miscellaneous) Kampala nightclubs, we pass the nuns as we walk down through the hospital to catch the boda bodas into town. The traffic is hell: dust, pollution, vehicles everywhere, everyone in a hurry to go to church, return to the village or simply GO PARTY.

Steamed matooke: no Ugandan meal is complete without the famous green banana

I was too busy dancing at midnight to see the fireworks.

Typical Uganda, it was several minutes after midnight that our countdown to the New Year started…

Was it the Full Moon or was it the tequilla? Long awaited moment with a Certain Someone was but a blur and I woke up the next day wondering if I’d dreamed it all…

It’s not easy being a single woman in Kampala: the social life is fantastic but where are all the single men?

The Dutchman is married, the Ugandan has a girlfriend, the Congolese guy is cute but has terrible breath … I get upset sometimes but tell myself “at least I have Baldrick.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Last night I decided to laugh about it.

Christmas Day bread and butter pudding Speke Resort Munyonyo Kampala

OK so repeat after me: “I just came to Uganda to volunteer, I was not expecting you to kill me with food” – did they really think there would be room for a hefty slab of bread and butter pudding on top of several marquees of savoury dishes?

So where will you be this Christmas?

And will you save me some bread and butter pudding?