fbpx

Yes, we have no bananas

“Yes, we have no bananas” a song that could have been written in celebration of Uganda’s favourite fast food

Banana snacks on a Ugandan road trip

Two hands of bananas guide us on our road trip

Bananas require no preparation, no refrigeration – and they’re cheap; just reach out your arm and you’ll find one – in villages, along the roadside, in the corner shop and balanced in wide baskets on ladies’ heads amongst the traffic jams in downtown Kampala.

Boda boda driver delivering matoke bananas

I’m not a mathematician but … if Uganda were an equation, surely:  matoke + boda boda = UG?

Baby Dillon can eat four sweet bananas for breakfast!

I arrived at Julia’s homestay on the edge of Kibale Forest plastered in banana – they were everywhere I looked. Fresh bananas were ‘ever waiting’ for the guests at Julia’s. We brought them with us from Kampala too, although they quickly turned brown in the hot car.

Three days in the Bush, all banana’d out, we point the car in the direction of the crater lakes of Fort Portal and pass a lady selling fruit under a tree.

“Would you like some more bananas?” Julia asks.

“No thanks.”

I may well have eaten a banana too many. I tell you what love, I’ll tell you where you can stick your bananas.

And from 1923, a song by Louis Prima that sticks in my head as stubbornly as banana puree clings to my once-clean trousers ….

*Check your sound’s on*

1, 2, 3 let’s sing along to: “Yes, we have no Bananas”…

There’s a fruit store on our street
It’s run by a Greek
And he keeps good things to eat but you should hear him speak!
When you ask him anything, he never answers “no”
He just “yes”es you to death, and as he takes your dough he tells you
“Yes, we have no bananas
We have-a no bananas today
We’ve string beans, and onions
Cabashes, and scallions,
And all sorts of fruit and say
We have an old fashioned tomato
A Long Island potato but yes, we have no bananas
We have no bananas today”
Business got so good for him that he wrote home today,
“Send me Pete and Nick and Jim; I need help right away”
When he got them in the store, there was fun, you bet
Someone asked for “sparrow grass” and then the whole quartet
All answered “Yes, we have no bananas
We have-a no bananas today
Just try those coconuts
Those walnuts and doughnuts
There ain’t many nuts like they
We’ll sell you two kinds of red herring,
Dark brown, and ball-bearing
But yes, we have no bananas
We have no bananas today
“He, he, he, he, ha, ha, ha whatta you laugh at?
You gotta soup or pie?
Yes, I don’t think we got soup or pie
You gotta coconut pie?
Yes, I don’t think we got coconut pie
Well I’ll have one cup a coffee
We gotta no coffee
Then watta you got?
I got a banana!
Oh you’ve got a banana!
Yes, we gotta no banana, No banana, No banana, I tell you we gotta no banana today
I sella you no banana
Hey, Mary Anna, you gotta… gotta no banana?
Why this man, he’s no believe-a what I say… no… he no believe me…
Now whatta you wanta mister? You wanna buy twelve for a quarter?
Well, just a one of a look, I’m gonna call for my daughter
Hey, Mary Anna You gotta piana
Yes, a banana, no
Yes, we gotta no bananas today!
The new English “clerk”:
Yes, we are very sorry to inform you
That we are entirely out of the fruit in question
The afore-mentioned vegetable bearing the cognomen “Banana
We might induce you to accept a substitute less desirable,
But that is not the policy at this internationally famous green grocery
I should say not. No no no no no no no
But may we suggest that you sample our five o’clock tea
Which we feel certain will tempt your pallet?
However we regret that after a diligent search
Of the premises By our entire staff
We can positively affirm without fear of contradiction
That our raspberries are delicious; really delicious
Very delicious but we have no bananas today.
So tell me, do you have a banana?

A ticking off – ringing birds in Kibale Forest

According to Roussouw, Kibale Forest harbours the greatest variety and concentration of primates found anywhere in East Africa.”

Well, thumbs up to that. Kibale is where the muzungu saw her first wild Chimpanzee, and the apparently ‘elusive’ Red Colobus monkey (although I’m not sure whether the staff at Kibale Forest Camp would agree, hearing them crash through the forest while they’re serving the guests sundowners).

Incredibly rich in animal life, Kibale is a place of many firsts for me. Even after three years in Uganda working in conservation, Mother Nature’s still been holding back on me: my first wild chimp, my first Red Colobus Monkey, my first Green Mamba! But these were all unexpected bonuses – we’d actually travelled to Kibale to ring birds.

Malcolm Wilson setting up the mist nets at the edge of Kibale Forest
Malcolm Wilson sets up the mist nets at the edge of Kibale Forest

The previous day Julia had instructed the boys to hack a pathway through the high grass at the edge of the forest. Four-metre high bamboo poles were hung with a fine nylon ‘mist net’ barely visible at dusk or dawn, gently ensnaring unsuspecting birds. Off with the anoraks and on with the Ipod – there’s as much technology in 21st-century birding as in any walk of life . (Bird calls are stored on the iPod, which is hung strategically close to the forest to attract the birds). Every few minutes, one of the team would disappear into the Bush to check the net, returning excitedly a few minutes later with their feathered booty in a little cloth bag.

bird ringing Malcolm Wilson Kibale
Bird ringing is an exact science! Monitoring the bird population of Kibale Forest edge

On our feet since dawn, ringing birds is harder than it looks: concentrating on the welfare of the birds, not leaving them in the net for more than 20 minutes, keeping them cool.

No-one had slept much the night before. We’d been woken at two in the morning by a gargantuan face-off between the chimps in the forest and three dogs tearing around the compound – all set off by a hungry elephant! It was the chimps that had woken Mandela. He’d then quickly woken Bahati and off they ran to chase the elephants away from the precious pineapple field.

That morning, expert birder and tour guide Malcolm was very excited at rumours of a White Collared Oliveback – “Ooooh, put it back in the bag,” he said, savouring the moment.

Dawn looked nervous when advised she was about to pull ‘a new bird’ out of the bag. It’s a bit like lucky dip really! Or not so lucky in Dawn’s case: she dipped her hand in – and winced in agony as an enormous beak bit her hand! The Blue Breasted Kingfisher was one of the weekend’s top finds, with the most experienced ringer ‘getting the tick first.’ If there was envy, no-one let on!

Blue Breasted Kingfisher Sunbird Hill Kibale
Malcolm displays the Blue Breasted Kingfisher – one of the weekend’s top catches – before letting it fly back into the forest

Malcolm gave Dawn more warning about the Grosbeak (Thickbilled) Weaver: “Beware Dawn, this one has an 80 pound per square inch peck!” i.e. don’t be fooled by the small beak, it can exert a painfully powerful peck!

Bird guide Nathan weighs bird
A young helper watches Nathan record the bird’s biodata at Sunbird Hill

“The secret is to get the kids involved” said Richard, encouraging Hope and Amos to hold the birds and help identify them. He was less positive about the Marsh Tchagra: “they bite a lot, like all Shrikes – nasty birds.”

Klaas' Cuckoo Kibale Forest edge Sunbird Hill
Dillon eyes up a spectacular Diederick’s’ Cuckoo

Eager to see the birds in the nets (before anyone else!) – I got lost – twice!

Malcolm waved his finger at me sternly as Nathan and I rejoined the group back in the shade by the house.

“Don’t spend so much time by the nets,” he said. I felt embarrassed. (I didn’t mean to get lost!)

Highlights of the two days’ ringing included a pair of exquisite Grey-headed Negrofinches (now known as Negritas), Green-backed Twinspots, a Little Greenbul (I was relieved to hear the experts struggle to identify birds too!) and a Brown-chested Alethe (a species of forest thrush that can only be caught with an iPod and a mist net); a Green Hylia (a type of warbler), an Olive-bellied Sunbird and a tiny White-ringed Prinia.

You can read a full trip report from the visiting birders on the Teifi Ringing Group’s blog.

Identifying Sunbird Kibale Forest edge
Identifying a Sunbird – not always easy, even with the bird guide!

It was a real treat for an amateur birder like me to see such wonderful birdlife come out of the forest. Everyone pointed out birds flying overhead and in trees around us: an emerald green Diederick’s Cuckoo, Lesser Striped Swallows, African Grey parrots, a Superb Sunbird; a Black Crowned Tchagra (a shrike) in the long grass.

The Roussouw guide says “watch for flocks of rare and localised White Naped Pigeons in-flight overhead or sunning themselves in treetops in the early morning” and lo and behold, the White Naped Pigeons were in front of us.

Fascinating and fun too, the two days’ information collected is baseline data for a study of the biodiversity of the forest edge. The data’s being shared with NatureUganda, one of the partners in a new East African bird ringing scheme.

TICK! bird list Kibale Forest
TICK! Here’s the full list of the birds I saw on the edge of Kibale Forest (R = ringed)
  • African Blue Flycatcher
  • African Grey Parrots
  • African Yellow Whiteye (R)
  • Black Crowned Tchagra
  • Blue Breasted Kingfisher (R)
  • Bronze Mannikin
  • Bronze Sunbird
  • Brown-chested Alethe (R)
  • Brown-throated Wattle-eye
  • Diederick’s Cuckoo
  • Dusky Blue Flycatcher
  • Green Crombec (R)
  • Green Hylia (R)
  • Green Twinspot (R)
  • Green-backed Twinspots (R)
  • Grey-backed Camaroptera (R)
  • Grey-headed Negrofinch (R)
  • Grosbeak (Thick-billed) Weaver (R)
  • Klaas’s Cuckoo (R)
  • Lesser Striped Swallow
  • Little Greenbul (R)
  • Marsh Tchagra (R)
  • Northern Double-collared Sunbird
  • Olive-bellied Sunbird (R)
  • Pygmy Kingfisher (R)
  • Ross’s Turaco
  • Slender-billed Weaver (R)
  • Snowy-headed Robinchat (R)
  • Superb Sunbird
  • Vieillot’s Black Weaver
  • White-naped Pigeon
  • White-collared Oliveback (R)
  • White Chinned Prinia (R)
  • White-headed Sawwing
  • Yellow-rumped Tinkerbird (R)
  • Yellow-whiskered Greenbul (R)

NOTE 2021: Since writing this blog, the 40 acres of regenerating farmland have developed into Sunbird Hill, a site for birders, ornithologists, lepidopterists, entomologists, primatologists and tourists who want to be immersed in nature. Sunbird Hill supports the work of In the Shadow of Chimpanzees, a small NGO that is training young people in conservation and developing village tourism along the edge of the National Park.

Sir Winston Churchill’s pearls of wisdom about Uganda

Sir Winston Churchill famously said of Uganda:

“Uganda is the Pearl of Africa.”

I wonder what he would make of how often the 21st-century Ugandan tourist industry quotes his words? At Entebbe airport, visitors are invited to fill in immigration forms proudly stating “welcome to the Pearl of Africa.”

But another more general quote of his, that I came across by accident last week, that resonates even more with me in Uganda.

Despite the wall-to-wall Technicolor blue skies, endless radiant green fields and plantations, the vibrant red earth and even more vibrant Ugandan people, working in a developing country can really test your patience:

Power that ‘chucks’ (computers flick on and off at work and every other evening we’re without electricity),

the dust,

slow Internet with frequent service interruptions (which stupid ba#t$rd has dropped an anchor on the cable under the Indian Ocean disconnecting the WHOLE of East Africa this time?)

bureaucracy that makes you want to bang head against the wall (or bang someone’s head anyway),

the dust,

37° in the middle of the day and you’re stuck to the plastic seat of your car in another unnecessary traffic jam,

swerving to avoid the crater-like potholes that reappear after every heavy rainfall, mosquitoes,

workers who are too busy reading the daily paper from cover to cover to notice that you’re waiting to be served,

lack of recycling facilities (man, that irks me),

not a Prêt a Manager or M&S Food in sight (!)

the dust,

mobile phone networks that charge you for your SMS but don’t deliver them,

blood-boiling evangelicals who blast me with bullshit as I’m stuck in rush-hour traffic,

corrupt traffic police who are too busy pocketing money for school fees to help us get to work on time,

taxi drivers who double their fare just because you’re a Muzungu,

people at conferences and training programs insisting on per diems (attendance fees).

I could go on …

 

Walking the streets of London’s Camden Town last week, the words of a postcard in a shop jumped out at me:

Sir Winston Churchill's pearls of wisdom about Uganda. Sir Winston Churchill Uganda

Winston Churchill had plenty to say about Uganda and called the country the Pearl of Africa. Elsewhere he wrote “NEVER NEVER NEVER Give Up” – he never had to contend with Umeme (electricity) or MTN (mobile phones) though!

 Sir, you saved me. I’m more indebted to you than you could possibly imagine.

 

Waragi dreams on the River Nile at Jinja

Should sachet Waragi be banned

Should sachets of Uganda Waragi be banned? YES / NO / too drunk to say!

The bed next to mine hasn’t been slept in and I reach through a Uganda Waragi haze for my phone, stashed away in the metal trunk under the bed at Nile River Explorers Camp.

“Hope you’re ok? Or do I need to pull you out of a ditch / jail etc?” reads the text I send my friend K.

Two minutes later the phone rings. My head is still on the pillow. In fact, I hardly recognize my own voice after last night’s cigarettes.

“Where are we?” K asks someone on the other end of the line.

“Triangle Hotel” comes back the answer.

Oh God, my head hurts …

“How much money do you have on you?” K asks me. “I’ve lost my wallet.”

Uganda Waragi new label billboard Entebbe Road

The newly rebranded Uganda Waragi on a billboard along Entebbe Road, Kampala

Now there’s a surprise: fuelled by half a bottle of Uganda Waragi, the stupid Muzungu has followed the scent of a woman into Jinja town. It’s a 45 minute ride in total darkness through the countryside on rutted marram roads – on the back of a boda boda of course.

“I fell asleep three times,” he tells me. (Or did he say he fell off the bike three times?)

I just hope she’s worth it!

For more dating stories, read How to date a Ugandan and Downtown dreadlocks, the muzungu’s blind date.

Do you stop the car in Nairobi?

“Stop the car,” says Jane. “Take me back to the airport.”

It’s 11 pm. After an uneventful flight – save for the mother who let her (very obviously distressed) 4 year old son bawl for 20 minutes, we land in Nairobi.

We’re last on the plane. (Are there many international airports where the flight attendant approaches you in duty-free to remind you the plane is about to leave?)

We banter with the guys at immigration at Jomo Kenyatta Airport. Despite being EAC residents – and regular visitors to Kenya – they still want to charge Jane the standard $50 tourist visa fee. (Where’s EAC integration when you need it?) The Guy with the Attitude tells her to show him where her visa is (isn’t it HIS job to decipher all those pages of stamps and dodgy handwriting?) “Na na na na” she says as she flashes the page in his face. Too late. He has started writing her name on the visa stamp.

Next in line, mine therefore reads her name crossed out then mine.

A note to Immigration: I’m trying to adhere to the rules but … despite my best and honest efforts, last time I entered Kenya as Nagawa (my Ugandan name) and I left as a US citizen.

It’s only when we get in the taxi that Jane – two hours sans fags – notices the large sign in front of her saying:

NO SMOKING

“Stop the car,” says Jane. “Take me back to the airport. I want another car.”

“What?” asks the driver, confused.

“It is against company policy to smoke in our taxis.” He carries on driving.

“It is against the law to smoke in a taxi in Kenya.” He’s biding his time…

A fast one-way road stretches out in front of us (how will he turn round?) Uganda’s potholed roads force us to drive slowly; smooth, fast roads always scare me when I first leave Uganda

Jane picks up the phone and calls his boss. I squirm in the back of the car.

Jane’s voice rises.  “You lied to me!” she tells him,” it is NOT company policy that passengers can’t smoke in cars and it is NOT illegal to smoke in a taxi in Kenya.” Even I’m feeling like a fag by now!

Her accusations are met with silence from the driver.

Karibu – welcome to Kenya … ! This conversation just would not happen in Uganda. Few people smoke / few people care if you smoke and disagreements are met with grace and humour (and a good measure of bullshit) but there’s rarely anger.

Tight rows of reflector posts guide us towards the well-lit UN HQ, soldiers patrolling its perimeter. And then, amidst all this security, a young man launches himself into the middle of the road ahead of us, grinning and waving his arms at us to slow down.

Our driver slows down. “Just keep on driving,” shouts Jane.

Why, after speeding all the way from the airport, does he choose to slow down at the chance of trouble? (Nairobi’s reputation for car jackings precedes it).

“Drive the fucker over!”

I didn’t come to Nairobi to kill someone; but suddenly, all the rules have changed. It feels so different to Uganda.

The driver puts his foot down and we continue into the night.

 

I first visited Nairobi en route to South Africa – A quick glimpse of Nairobi nightlife

To save money, I slept in the airport. Check out this funky web site – Sleeping in Airports! and my review of Nairobi airport.

An alternative way to travel from Uganda, is by bus – Kampala to Nairobi – 14 hours of speed bumps

Kony2012 and what it means for Uganda – the Muzungu’s view

(Joseph) Kony 2012 and what it means for Uganda – the Muzungu’s view

The 64 million views (as of today) of Invisible Children’s videos on YouTube are a marketer’s dream come true.

Isn’t it a goddam shame that it’s always the bad stories that are popular?

And isn’t it a tragedy that Uganda is always in the news for the wrong reasons?

Eh banange!

🙁

The #kony2012 and #makekonyfamous debate is fascinating BUT before I go any further, can I please say loud and clear: Uganda ‘The Pearl of Africa’ is a beautiful, secure and welcoming place with the friendliest people you could hope to meet. I feel safer living here – three years without incident – than I did in London.

The 20 year civil war in Northern Uganda is officially over – tourism is predominantly in the south-west of the country –  although the North will take generations to rebuild. Many thousands of people are trying to rebuild their lives. Many won’t manage it; the emotional and physical scars are too deep (especially for children who have been kidnapped, sexually assaulted and forced to become killing machines).

Joseph Kony is evil.

His crimes against humanity are undisputed. But why has he remained at large for so long?

Read Jane Bussmann’s book ‘The worst date ever’ about Joseph Kony and the Lord’s Resistance Army

As comedy-writer-turned-Kony-expert Jane Bussmann argues in the Huffington Post this week there has to be a reason why Uganda’s 40,000 strong army don’t seem to be able to track down him and his rag tag bunch of kid soldiers.

It goes without saying that it’s good this issue is being discussed but let’s not kid ourselves that a video will necessarily lead to anything substantial. Last year I was offered an interview to work with Invisible Children. I turned it down but, to be honest, was impressed with the way they seek to draw in young people who had no awareness of this side of the world.

Joseph Kony 2012 Video: ‘Stop Kony’ Campaign Draws Criticism

Here are a few real things you CAN do:

1. Do read Jane’s superb book: well-researched and hilarious by equal measure (throw in a touch of bonkers!)

The Worst Date Ever: or How It Took a Comedy Writer to Expose Africa’s Secret War

The Worst Date Ever: or How It Took a Comedy Writer to Expose Africa's Secret War

Jane Bussmann – The Worst Date Ever: or How It Took a Comedy Writer to Expose Africa’s Secret War

2. US citizens should read Jane’s article for how to lobby their Senator.

3. Jane is coming to MishMash in Kampala on 20th April to do her BRILLIANT stand-up show. Come and hear the real story about Kony – and why he’s still creating mayhem and wrecking lives across East and Central Africa.
4. Do come to Uganda #VisitUganda2012 – tourism is the country’s no. 1 foreign exchange earner: this developing country needs visitors, and I heartily recommend it.

Pssst! I found him! Someone should let the UPDF (Ugandan army know) Did a quick online search just now:

Looking for Joseph Kony?
 
www.facebook.com/Joseph Kony is on Facebook. Sign up now!

 

Chimp alert! Muzungu bolthole? Kibale Forest

Three dogs bark excited greetings as we drive up the steep hill on the approach to Julia’s house on the edge of Kibale Forest.

The four hours from Kampala to Fort Portal on tarmac are easy. The last hour of the journey is the hardest: balancing a plastic bag full of raw eggs on my lap, as Julia races down the rutted dustbowl that passes for a road. Cool crater lakes beckon right and left.

Julia Lloyd chimpanzee primatologist Kibale Forest
Annotated drawings of Kibale Forest’s chimpanzees decorate Julia’s treehouse home. Julia was part of the team that first habituated the chimps for tourism

I’m having a break from the midday sun. Julia suggests I haul my Jerry can of cold water up into the sunshine so it’s warm for my afternoon shower. Butterflies circle around the water dripping into the washing bowl beneath the Jerry can. Julia’s world is full of her dad’s home-made inventions, contraptions in which Jerry cans feature prominently.

Determined to finish her Ph.D., Julia is spending most of her time in Kampala this year. We arrive in Kibale to find the inverter is broken, so there’s no power; the solar panel isn’t working either. There’s no gas left in Fort Portal, so we borrow a gas cylinder from a local lodge. At least we won’t have to rely on the charcoal stove to cook dinner and heat water for eight people for the next three days! This weekend may be classed as a trial run for future tourism endeavours! (Fast forward a few years and Julia’s place has developed in leaps and bounds: home is now known as Sunbird Hill).

Hope has prepared dinner: it’s ‘Irish’ (potatoes) from the garden, and g’nut (groundnut) sauce. The home-grown groundnuts are stored in a gigantic Ali Baba basket. Swimming in my g’nut sauce is a Lungfish, whole. I can’t face eating it and guiltily leave the fish in the pot. The kids found it in the river when they were collecting water this morning – I guess someone will have the stomach for it.

After dinner, a slither of moon to guide us, we check out the park boundary paths. As we inch past, torchlight reveals spiderwebs suspended between branches. We duck under the washing line. The dogs bound ahead of us into the trees.

Freshly broken branches are evidence of a recent elephant visit.

Julia Lloyd. Kibale Forest view
View of Kibale Forest from Julia Lloyd’s viewing platform

“Wake up, the chimps are here! Come quick!” Yells Julia the following morning.

Bleary-eyed, I climb the viewing platform and we watch a solitary chimp warming himself in the early morning sun some 30 metres above ground. It’s my first sight of a chimpanzee in the wild.

Julia spent many years living in a treehouse deep in the forest studying Kibale Forest’s chimpanzees.

Julia Lloyd's Kibale Forest treehouse
Julia’s previous home – her treehouse in Kibale Forest

Baby Dillon points at the sweet bananas. He’s eaten four bananas by the time we arrive at the lodge on the edge of Kibale Forest. I’m covered in banana (there’s no chance of keeping clean around dogs and babies). Ornithologist and bird ringer Malcolm Wilson arrives shortly with five visitors, here to do a bird census and to advise Julia on how to maximise the biodiversity to attract more birdlife from the forest.

Before he arrives, we walk down to the forest boundary a few hundred metres away and check the ‘slashing’ (cutting back of the Bush). Four men have been working all morning to clear an access path for the nets.

We stop for a minute to debate whether to cut down a slender branch hanging over the path.

“Don’t touch that,” says Julia, “that’s the National Park.”

We look up, straight into the eyes of a Green Mamba! It’s a message: he is protecting the forest.

Green Mamba above our head - protecting Kibale Forest
Green Mamba above our head – protecting Kibale Forest!

I’ve added four new birds to my bird list this morning; I can’t wait to add more over the next two days.

We notice freshly broken branches across our path – “The elephants must be close,” says Julia.

Next installment from Kibale Forest: a ticking off – ringing birds in Kibale Forest

Slumming it, Kampala style

Rubbish collection is managed privately in Kampala: you pay through the nose for a private contractor to collect your rubbish once a week. Local people just burn their rubbish, and maybe that’s all the private contractors do?

And so, a week after moving house, and reluctant to burn, I asked Alex how I could dispose of my rubbish. “Come – we go,” he said.

We drove to Namuwongo and I was a bit horrified when he said to turn down a steep dusty bank across the railway and into the heart of the slum. I’ve been through the slum many times, but not in a car (there are no roads) and not to dispose of my rubbish. We edged our way through women boiling water in beaten-up old aluminium pots on charcoal stoves, gawping toddlers and boda bodas. “Hello Muzungu, you go back,” one lady said as we squeezed through. Embarrassed, but with Alex focused on our destination, we drove on. Moving forward wasn’t easy; reversing would have been almost impossible.

My heart sank as the tip came into view: goats grazing and Marabou storks stabbing at the contents of hundreds of the demon cavera (carrier bags). Doesn’t the slum have enough rubbish without the muzungu’s?

There was plenty of excitement as Alex threw a knackered old water heater onto the tip. It was quickly salvaged; if anyone can fix it, these guys can.

And the fee? One thousand shillings, less than 50 US cents – although the muzungu price would have been higher had we hung about. “Drive!” commanded Alex, and I stepped on the gas.

“Muzungu, I have a tortoise!” cried a young boy, as we drove past his house. Wild tortoises live in the swamp below the slum. I admit, in my first year in Uganda, I fell for that one. I had a tortoise when I was a kid; they’re great pets, but not easy to look after. The English one died in hibernation one winter; my Ugandan one did a runner! He probably made it back to the slum (just the other side of my old compound wall) – to being sold to another naïve muzungu.

Street dog Baldrick inspects Swampy the Tortoise

Street dog Baldrick inspects Swampy the Tortoise

Last year I’d been in the same slum for quite a different reason – a party!

VSO friends of mine, Alan and Alison, had agreed to hold a kids’ party in the local church. It’s a big clapperboard type construction right next to the railway line next to the swamp. I’m not a churchgoer but I do like to party! so I offered to help blow up the balloons and do the face painting.

“So how many people do you think will attend?” I thought Alison would say about 100.

“Oh about 400 I expect.” GULP.

Face painting children

Little kids and big kids, wave after wave of them surrounded us for two hours!

It was great fun – but knackering! But what was nice was that we just made a great big fuss for one day. The VSO focus is on sustainable development so at the back of your mind you’re always asking yourself whether X will  happen when you’re gone. It’s unlikely these kids will ever see such a party again (Alan and Alison’s friends from back home had all chipped in to fund the party) –  sometimes you just need to have FUN, whoever you are, whatever your circumstances. (Although we did hear kids making a racket with whistles into the night!. Let’s just hope their families enjoyed it as much as the kids did!)
Read more about “A party to remember” on the Cowan family blog

The Muzungu’s travel highlights of 2011 – Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda, Ethiopia, South Africa, Turkey!

Travel highlights – from across Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda, South Africa, Ethiopia and Turkey

If 2011 was busy, 2012 looks set to be busier still! Here are a few of 2011’s highlights for Diary of a Muzungu, Uganda travel blog …

Nairobi to Lake Naivasha Relay - local people watch on. Uganda travel blog

Nairobi to Lake Naivasha Relay – local Maasai watched bemused as 100 Hashers ran through Hell’s Gate National Park

Travel to Kenya

The annual Naivasha Relay (84 km from Nairobi to Lake Naivasha) is one of the highlights of Nairobi Hash House Harriers’ calendar.

40 Ugandan Hashers travelled from Kampala to Kenya for the week-end  party (I mean run!) I ran my share of tghe relay- 3 km to be exact  – ‘good enough’ as we say in UG.

The weekend started with a 12 hour bus journey: The real ‘boda boda’ experience – travelling sidesaddle into Kenya.

Travel across Rwanda

A full day’s travelling by bus across Uganda, through Kigali, and onto the fabulous  Volcanoes National Park (Parc Nationale des Virungas) to stay at Le Bambou Gorilla Village in Kinigi.

The Doctor enters Rwanda - Uganda travel blog

The muzungu travelled with her personal physician

Rwanda’s reputation precedes it in many positive ways nowadays.

The smooth tarmac in Kigali made a pleasant change from Uganda’s potholes; the legal obligation to wear a helmet on a boda boda (motorbike taxi) in Kigali came as a bit of a shock after Kampala’s very relaxed attitude to road safety!

A flight to South Africa via Nairobi

TIP: next time you fly, look at the map before you select your seat – choose a window seat, check which side of the plane to sit and have your camera ready. Some of my most memorable travel moments of 2011 have been from on high (and I haven’t even joined the Mile High Club yet!)

  • Mount Kilimanjaro through the clouds;
  • Traversing the seemingly endless azure blue of Lake Malawi;
  • Skirting around the edges of Tanzania’s Ngorongoro Crater;
  • Seeing volcanoes emerge over the horizon as we approached Nairobi;
  • The shot of Kilimanjaro – en route to Johannesburg – is a favourite. Sigh …

Kilimanjaro at dawn

Daybreak at 30,000 feet – Mt. Kilimanjaro in the distance

Johannesburg, South Africa

U2′s ‘Beautiful Day’ will forever remind me of a great ten days in Johannesburg, with a great friend and her beautiful daughter, and something deeper – retracing my political and musical roots:

South Africa – Under a blood red sky with U2

Thank you Holly! For the trip, for the friendship and for being a part of my journey as a Voluntary Service Overseas volunteer.

Ethiopia

Hashing – the ‘drinking club with a running problem’ – led me on a very merry dance (hic!) around Ethiopia for two truly memorable weeks. I can’t stop reliving and writing about Ethiopia, here’s one of my posts:

Africa Hash, Ethiopia – Feeling IRIE in Addis Ababa

Ethiopian coffee ceremony Tissisat Falls

Traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony overlooking Tissisat Falls

A stopover in Istanbul, Turkey

On a trip back home to the UK, I stopped over in Istanbul for a dayIstanbul looks like my kind of place.

A day in … Istanbul got me thinking about how much I’d like to be travelling and writing about travel full-time.

Travel across Uganda

This year, I was excited to take part in the Uganda Wildlife Authority’s new tourism experience: Walking with Mongooses, a really fun and informative day out in Queen Elizabeth National Park. You may have watched the BBC’s ‘Banded Brothers’ TV series, all about these fascinating fellas.

Muzungu with Mongooses at Mweya, Queen Elizabeth National Park. Uganda travel blog

Muzungu with Mongooses at Mweya, Queen Elizabeth National Park

This year has been a year for:

WRITING – articles for The Eye Magazine Rwanda, Uganda’s Business Today magazine and writing and producing Uganda Matters, the annual newsletter for the Uganda Conservation Foundation.

Diary of a Muzungu has been featuring on Lonely Planet since 2009 (PHEW! no wonder I’m knackered!)

Diary of a Muzungu Lonely Planet Featured Blogger

Diary of a Muzungu was a Lonely Planet Featured Blogger from 2009 to 2012

CONNECTING  – with published authors, Lonely Planet bloggers and the global travel blogosphere. Thanks in particular to Todd Wassel at Todd’s Wanderings, for the beautiful and fantabulous Around the World with 40 Lonely Planet bloggers ebook; Mazarine Treyz of Wildwoman Fundraising for her boundless creativity and energy; Wandering Trader Marcello Arrambide who dropped by Kampala and shared some awesome tips on travel blogging. Writing and blogging can be an introspective way to spend your spare time – but you guys keep me motivated. Thank you so much!

CHANGING CAREERS – I’ve always said that in Uganda, “business is social and social is business” and I like it that way…

After two and a half years as a VSO volunteer for the Uganda Conservation Foundation, it was time to move on and employ a local man to take over my role. I’m so proud to have been part of UCF (work trips to the Bush – safari yeah!)

Team UCF, VSO, PACE conservation learning launch, Ggaba PTC

A big achievement. Launch of the Pan African Conservation Education training manual, Ggaba PTC, Kampala with the Uganda Conservation Foundation team and Voluntary Service Overseas,

Despite the global recession, UCF’s donors continue to support our work with the Uganda Conservation Foundation. The Uganda Wildlife Authority is so pleased with UCF’s work in Queen Elizabeth National Park that UCF is now working with them to tackle poaching and human wildlife conflict in Murchison Falls National Park. (Damn, that’s one trip I missed out on!) As you can see, I still talk about UCF in the present tense and I’ll continue to do as much as I can to promote this fantastic charity.

Life as a VSO volunteer in Uganda has certainly had its ups and downs. It’s been a truly incredible three years so far. I love life in Uganda – but it does sometimes get the better of me:

Shotgun wedding – a surreal and intense day

Here’s a bit more about life as a volunteer in Uganda –

Still counting myself lucky! 2 years on …

So why am I still in Uganda? Here’s one reason – one of my favourite blogs from last year:

Early morning sights and sounds

Happy New Year everyone!

The Muzungu meets Wandering Trader in Kampala

Wandering Trader Marcello Arrambide wandered into Kampala last week.

Marcello is a fellow travel blogger. I saw he was in East Africa and made contact. We swapped e-mails about gorilla trekking in Uganda, what to do in Kampala, and the pros and cons of driving in Kampala. I’d said he could stay for a couple of nights. This seemed like a good idea until he told me his flight was arriving at 2 AM!

I fell asleep on the sofa and woke with a start at 6 AM to realise that he hadn’t called me from the airport for directions. Weird. Checked on the laptop and my first Twitter message of the day was from him saying (to the whole world) “your phone was off!!!”

I was secretly disappointed that Marcello didn’t come and stay with me – in a regular house – and experience what it’s like to live in Kampala these days: power on and off for 12 hours at a time every other day for weeks on end now.

My phone wasn’t off. It turns out someone had input my number incorrectly!

I located Marcello’s hotel and rocked up at 11 o’clock. The receptionist called him and he told me to go up to his room, not something I normally do on a first date (or do I?)

My friend Sheila was a bit disturbed when I’d told her that a random (male) stranger was coming to stay at my house. “It’s okay, he’s a blogger,” I mock reassured her.

Her words were in my thoughts as I knocked on Wandering Trader’s door. What would she think?

“Come in, it’s open,” I heard a man’s voice cry – and there he was, lying in bed.

“Come give me a hug!”

“Er… you’re all right,” I said, keeping my distance.

He patted the end of the bed. “Sit down.”

I sat on the chair.

“Oh God you’re so English!” he said.

So what do you say to that one?

“Welcome to Kampala!”

Party with your closest relative!

Chimps grooming. Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary
Chimps grooming each other at Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary – the Flagship project for the Chimpanzee Sanctuary and Wildlife Conservation Trust (CSWCT). Who’s imitating who? I ask myself this question again and again when I see chimps and humans together.

Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary  – the Flagship project for the Chimpanzee Sanctuary and Wildlife Conservation Trust (CSWCT) – is fundraising to refurbish the sanctuary enclosure / electric fencing system for the sanctuary. The electric fence  – erected about 10 years ago – today helps staff, visitors, students, local communities and tourists view the Chimpanzees with minimal or no contact.

The forested island of 100 acres is located 23 km offshore from Entebbe and provides a safe haven where orphaned chimpanzees are free to roam. It offers a unique opportunity for close viewing of chimpanzees in their natural environment. Prearranged supplementary feeding brings the chimpanzees within metres of the raised walkway, specially designed for easy viewing. It’s a fantastic vantage point for photos and to appreciate the almost  chimps now resident on this small island.

Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary  is a fantastic experience. If you live in Uganda – or are visiting – it’s a must-do experience and a great day out (you can even stay overnight on Ngamba Island!) I’ve visited twice and can’t wait to go again! CSWT’s CEO Lilly Ajarova has been a volunteer Director of UCF (the Uganda Conservation Foundation) for many years and it’s always an honour to support such a committed lady, a fellow marketer and conservationist.  She’s been a inspiration to me.

UPDATE: This event was a great success!

To find out about upcoming kids events, fundraisers and more at Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary, email reservations@ngambaisland.org
or call +256 414 320662 / +256 758 221880.

Camels on the shore of Lake Victoria in Entebbe, UWEC
Camels on the shore of Lake Victoria in Entebbe, seen from UWEC, Uganda Wildlife Education Centre

The photo was taken at the cafe in the Uganda Wildlife Education Centre (UWEC), also known as Entebbe Zoo.  Free entrance to the zoo is included in the entry ticket to  Ngamba Island and it’s a lovely place to chill out.

Have you visited Ngamba Island Chimpanzee Sanctuary? What was your favourite part of the experience?

Lessons in parenting from Mweya’s Mongooses!

A morning with the famous Banded Mongooses of Queen Elizabeth National Park

I often forget when we go out on safari how – even on short distances – a vehicle is necessary. And so, armed not with a gun or a machete, but a long radio antenna, we jumped into the back of a pickup truck and headed off the main track and into the scrubby bush.

The sun was shining as we watched Pink-backed Pelicans sailing down the Kazinga Channel towards us. Within just a few minutes, our researcher guides Solomon and Francis had tracked down our family, one of six habituated groups of Mongooses* living on the Mweya peninsula in Queen Elizabeth National Park, western Uganda. Over two decades of research have given Solomon, Kenneth and Francis an intimate knowledge of Mweya’s nine families of Banded Mongoose.

Banded Mongooses, Mweya, Queen Elizabeth National Park
Cute and fluffy or too much like a rat to you? Endlessly fascinating Mongooses

Our job for the morning was to weigh each of the 32-member family. But where do you start?

With a call of “coo-coo-coo-coo-coo” the mongooses come trotting out of the bush, snorting, sniffing, whistling and chirruping.

Well, would you believe it – these guys can be identified by their different haircuts! Every two weeks each mongoose has a number clipped into the fur onto its back to identify it. Regular monitoring is invaluable in monitoring their health.

Our family of Mongooses trot off into the Bush at Mweya
Our family of Mongooses trot off into the Bush at Mweya, Queen Elizabeth National Park, Uganda

As the mongoose family rolled up, we set to work. Each mammal was individually weighed and its personal number and weight noted. (What impressed me was how Solomon managed to remember which individuals he’d weighed). Later, the data is compared to check that the mongoose pups are growing healthily and to monitor any pregnancies. 

During the weigh-in, the researchers told us about Mongoose society

Known as ‘cooperative breeders’ the female mongooses all give birth on the same day. Incredible! As many as 15 pups will be born in a day. A pup can be suckled by any of the females. Pups will then choose which male – the babysitters of the species – will care for them. According to Solomon, a pup can distinguish between a good or a bad parent. (These fascinating creatures could surely be good role models to a few men we could mention!)

If a subordinate female becomes pregnant, when the dominant four females aren’t, she will be “beaten up” in Solomon’s words, and forced to abort. If she’s lucky, she will then be allowed back into the group (the risk is that if subordinates keep getting pregnant, they threaten the dominance of the group). Examples of this behaviour were captured on the BBC TV series Banded Brothers, aired in 2010.

A wonderful clip from ‘Banded Brothers’ | BBC Earth. Tragically, Mary the elephant – one of the series stars – was later poisoned

When I commented on how healthy the mongooses looked, Solomon replied “Yes, these are rich guys. They live near the Lodge!” Rubbish from Mweya Lodge and the Uganda Wildlife Authority hostel is collected and taken to a covered pit, but with so many tourists passing through Mweya, it’s inevitable there are still scraps of food to be scavenged.

Beetles, insects, small snakes, rodents, lizards and eggs are all part of a mongoose’s diet.
Beetles, insects, small snakes, rodents, lizards and eggs are all part of a mongoose’s diet

When they find a rat “they go crazy and make a lot of noise” to attract the rest of the group to the hunt. We watched as a Mongoose (carefully) attacked a giant Millipede, bashing it against the ground to first remove its poison. The others were quick to dive in and help him eat it.

When they’re not busy foraging or fighting, mongooses can be seen removing the ticks and lice from compliant warthogs. Did you know this behaviour only happens in Uganda’s Queen Elizabeth National Park? Other unusual behaviour witnessed here was the Mongoose who took a dip in the lodge pool!

To get closer to the action, I sat on a tuft of grass at the edge of the track. Note: sitting down on the bare grass is not recommended. By afternoon, my legs were itching like crazy!

As we talked, we heard a car pass along the track above us. Every Mongoose was on high alert, heads turned in the direction of the noise, on their back legs, scanning the horizon. With a piercing shriek, the crew scattered. They headed for cover, as one.

“If they see a Leopard they will just freak and run. Even if they find the dung of a lion, they run!” (And so might I!)

The Mongoose’s greatest enemies are the Leopard and the Python. Just recently a Leopard had attacked their den and eaten five of them. At Kabatoro Gate, a Python had eaten a mongoose wearing the radio collar. They’d tracked the perpetrator of course!

The Mongooses Experience in Queen Elizabeth National Park

How to book the Mongooses Experience

A few hours – or longer – in the presence of these knowledgeable researchers, who so obviously love their subjects, is a great way to get up close to nature, support conservation and see the park from a different angle. Unlike some other wildlife experiences, you can get out of the car and even let the Mongooses run between your feet.

The experience can be booked with the Uganda Wildlife Authority.

What is so special about mongooses?

There are 32 species of Mongooses in the world, of which only four are social: the Meercats, the Dwarf, the Yellow and the Banded Mongooses.

The Banded Mongoose Research project is run by the universities of Cambridge, Exeter and Zürich (and has links to more photos and video footage). And why are they studying Uganda’s Banded Mongooses? “These ‘cooperatively breeding’ societies pose a challenge to evolutionary theory because natural selection is expected to favour selfish behaviour that maximises an individual’s reproductive success. The banded mongoose population at Mweya provides an opportunity to answer questions about the evolution of cooperation and the resolution of conflict in wild mammals.”

*One Mongoose (singular), several Mongooses (plural).

Have you taken part in the Mongooses Experience?