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How to date a Ugandan

Aug 6 • 24209 views • 51 Comments on How to date a Ugandan How to...? Uganda travel tips, Travel tips and advice, Uganda

A blog post about dating in Uganda will not suffice. This material fills at least one book!

Ugandan men can be handsome and very charming.

They know how to tell women what we want to hear. Delivery of promises is an altogether different issue!

I’ve had more marriage proposals in the last four years in Uganda than in the whole of my life.

I’ve been promised love, marriage, children (natural and adopted), meeting the family and even a house overlooking Lake Victoria!

And what have I got? My fingers burned – more than once …

I love the idea of having a relationship with a Ugandan man but the reality of mixed relationships is harder than I thought it would be, for many reasons.

Dating Uganda – the Muzungu’s blind date:

It’s quite usual for your male Ugandan suitor to be:

  1. married
  2. living with someone
  3. a father of many children
  4. simultaneously with any number of girlfriends –

– or all four!

Bare-faced lies are very common.

Still, Muzungu ladies are very popular and we all like attention don’t we 😉

Dating Uganda. Mixed Muzungu Ugandan relationships can be challenging. How to date a Ugandan. Dating Uganda

Mixed Muzungu Ugandan relationships can be challenging. How to date a Ugandan. Dating Uganda

Make your own mind up ladies but don’t believe everything you hear. Enjoy the moment, as that’s probably all it is, despite what they say. Just don’t take it too seriously. And insist on condoms every time! Yes I’m being explicit …

The Uganda dating issue is going to run and run!

What’s your experience of mixed race relationships?

Please leave a comment here or check out the Diary of a Muzungu Guest Post page for information on how to submit an article, I’d love to hear from you!

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51 Responses to How to date a Ugandan

  1. martin says:

    According to me, the way you picking your partners matters and determines how the relationship would be in this country. Please agree with me that we are cultured differently. In most cases, Jjajja you apply your western to get a partner in Uganda which MAY not be wrong but …………… A case in point, have you thought about why you more marriage proposals here than in UK?

    • the muzungu says:

      Of course there are many cultural differences between Ugandans and Westerners. It’s one of the many things I enjoy about leaving in Uganda! That said, it is not always clear what our differences are, particularly in close relationships. We often make assumptions about each other’s expectations, without those expectations ever being put into words.
      For example, I wouldn’t expect a man to ask to marry me unless we had been together for months or years. Why has that experience been so different for me in Uganda? Obviously some guys see the Muzungu as the meal ticket / access to jobs / access to a different life etc, and I don’t entirely blame them; even so, which woman is going to take a man seriously if he asks her to marry him first or second time they meet? I’m sure a Ugandan lady would just laugh at such a guy; so why should I entertain his suggestion seriously either?
      Less people get married in the UK; and of those who do, more get divorced. That’s ironic really, sounds like Westerners take marriage even less seriously than Ugandans!
      I’m not sure I quite understand your question tho Martin: are you saying I apply my Western standards when I’m looking for a partner in Uganda? I’m a Westerner, so I probably do. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I am a product of where I grew up; I can never completely escape that, but your value systems do adapt according to where you live. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to live in Africa; I wanted to take on those personal challenges. I have failed more than once in my quest! But “whatever doesn’t break you, makes you stronger” that’s always been my philosophy. And I’ve made some great friends along the way.
      Your Jajja.

      • Joe says:

        Hi Everyone… Please allow me to comment on that topic. I think whether you are back home or in Uganda, you will always find that people date for different reasons… Some would date for the obvious reason of finding that missing puzzle in their lives… However others will date for different things such as: security, friendship, financial gains, jobs, and so many others… This is pretty much the same everywhere I have been… You just have to be clear and open to the other person about what your expectations right from the start…

        • the muzungu says:

          Hi Joe, Thanks for your comment. You are right, it’s always a good idea to understand what your expectations are from a date. I don’t expect to be asked to lend money on a first date though!
          As for the different things that people want from a date, yes we may look for love, friendship, security [you missed out sex!] But financial gain? Jobs? Only in Uganda … bambi

  2. […] Aug 6 › How to date a Ugandan » […]

  3. Tamara says:

    I’ve been talking to a Ugandan guy for the last 3 months. I have some reservations about him. I meet him online. He actually found me in a post I commented on from someone we like in common.
    He plans to travel here this July and I there in November. I’m basically researching everything I can find on the web.
    Do you have any updates?

  4. aida says:

    hi, am in a relationship with Ugandan guy now and we’re 3 years, am so in love with him and his so nice and gentleman, the only problem I have is he never ask me for a marriage but am not hoping he will do, but even do he will not am still in love with him and I will wait for the time he will ask me, and I will keep everything in God hands.

  5. […] “Teddy works in a salon,” she told me. “You can just drop by one day, and check him out first. He won’t know. He’s fed up going out with Ugandan girls who keep messing him around. He said he fancies going out with a Muzungu.” […]

  6. Chloe says:

    Hi, I’m dating a Ugandan man and he’s so gentle, loving and kind. I am so I love with him. He has a lying problem, he keeps lying to me about very small things and big things like where his from, who he dated before, why he doesn’t let me in. His very closed and admitted to having a very big problem. He makes me feel so safe! But I still feel like there a lot going on that I don’t know about. All his friends cannot believe I’m with him and always tells him ‘ such a pretty girl only wants you for money’ and it puts so much strain on our relationship. My biggest fear is that he has another girlfriend in his country or here. He wants to move in with me but I don’t want that. I just feel like he lies to me so much about all the little things how do I know his faithful. He seems faithful but I don’t know.

    • the muzungu says:

      Dear Chloe, thanks for your message. I’m traveling at the moment but will reply when back in Kampala. I think you are right to not want to live with this man just yet. Trust your instincts. Take care.

  7. […] more dating stories, read How to date a Ugandan and Downtown dreadlocks, the muzungu’s blind […]

  8. Idriss says:

    Iam Ugandan ready for u

  9. angela says:

    I’m a south African dating a ugandan man I love this guy so much but we haven’t met. We’ve known each other for 5 years but have never met personally due to distance south Africa & uganda he keeps making empty promises about coming to south africa. I’m starting to have my doubts about him. I’m a born again Christian & so is he. I wonder if we ever will meet please help should I just end this with him or hang in there I love him very much. He seems to be everything I want or need in a man

    • the muzungu says:

      Hello Angela, five years does seem like a very long time. I don’t think I would wait that long.
      You say you love him but you don’t really know a person until you live with them. An older friend told me that once. My dating experiences have taught me she is right. I think you need to spend time together before you decide whether he is the one for you.

    • angela says:

      Ugandan men are unique & very different. I’m dating a Ugandan man 5 years now I’ve never met him but he shows me so much love respect. His sense of humour & has a deep love for God as I do we have so much in common. His values warm kind hearted, humble. He has actually made me love the country of Uganda. I plan to visit Uganda soon. I can’t see myself with any man but a Ugandan man

  10. Namulondo Hajjira says:

    I have not experienced the feeling though i would like to,i am a ugandan, but i have seen and had loving storries from my friends have fun and feeling loved and handled gently by their white boyfriends, and i thing rhe feeling it self is such a magiacal experience that every man kind would wish for to happen to them. I wish luck to every one.

    • the muzungu says:

      Well, not all white boyfriends are gentle, let me tell you! Every man is different from every other, and mixed race relationships have their own challenges. Few relationships are ‘magical.’ They may have magical moments but relationships require a lot of work, compromise and learning…

  11. Joshua says:

    I want a white lady for serious relationship please?

  12. Julie says:

    Hey, great comments and responses.
    Recently met a slightly younger Ugandan guy on a work permit in my country. He’s pursuing, talking kids and wants to get there, but Im trying to keep it fairly light as we get to know each other. I was an expat in South Sudan for 2 yrs, so not ignorant of the potential differences/motives/complexities. Scary reading a bit on horror stories of marrying with hidden intentions/secretiveness/more than one girl on the go, but I guess we always take chances! So far, he’s seems open, willing to help with dishes when I cook (hinting at gender role beliefs), and thoughtful of others. I kind of came cruising looking for advice (and welcome any), but I think each relationship/person is quite individual and searching for hints could just lead to over-analyzing/over-generalizing(?). As you said: “Every man is different from every other”. Trust the gut, take some time. No matter who or from where, a relationship is a risk and adventure!
    Thanks for the blog!

    • the muzungu says:

      Thanks for sharing your story Julie. All sounds wonderful and I hope your relationship blossoms. I like what you say about time and not rushing things. I look at my closest relationships, and love realising how I am still getting to know those people, many years on.
      I agree that we can fall into the trap of overanalysing and/or generalising but there are certain themes that crop up again and again.
      Since first writing this page, I’ve had more than one marriage / family planning proposal. Most were obviously “unserious” but here there is a lot of social pressure to marry and have kids and I feel some African men go through the motions of having those conversations because 1) they feel obliged to and 2) they think it’s what you want to hear. As a British woman, when I hear ‘marriage / babies’ I hear ‘serious commitment,’ which leads to certain expectations. In East Africa, in my experience, those are frequently just phrases guy use.
      I’d love to have a serious relationship with an African man but my first Ugandan marriage proposal was just so the guy could get a mixed race baby “because they look nice.”
      Next one was from a Kenyan who was approaching his 40th birthday and feeling pressure from his family to settle down. Guy #1 had two children, but only chose to tell me about one of them. I think he also had a wife.
      Guy #2 got back together with his ex-girlfriend and ‘kind of forgot to tell me’ (while still talking about how many kids he wanted us to have). In his case, he told me that he wanted children “that looked like him.” If he loved me, wouldn’t he have wanted our kids to look like me, or look like both of us?
      In my dating experience, the African male ego doesn’t leave much room for a woman in the relationship!

  13. Another mzungu says:

    When first I signed up to spend three weeks in Uganda, it never crossed my mind that I’d get laid haha

  14. Anonymous says:

    To quote you:”In my dating experience, the African male ego doesn’t leave much room for a woman in the relationship!” What is the African male ego really? Too judgemental.

  15. Alexinah Malinga says:

    Hi I am a South African Lady 25 yrs old,I must say Ugandan man knows how to treat woman.I’m so in love with this Ugandan man of God,he is humbled,loving,carying,God fearing man w just meet 3 months back.Yoh i never thought I could b able to love.This man God indeed blessed me with him.He is a good listiner,loves people,enjoys serving the Lord we have so much in common worse he is charming,down to earth.I nkwagala him so much

  16. Anthony says:

    Hi The Muzungu,

    This post got be laughing for a minute. Thanks for the good info though!

  17. Ungeyigiu Ivan says:

    I would like to say all people are different. One be able to good loving, charming guy Uganda and another might not get same. So I say we all need to give one another benefit of doubt and give yourself 1 – 2 years of getting to know another and I think this goes for bother same culture or different culture. I know Ugandan cultures are different from the western and those relationships are the hardest. I’m a Ugandan man and I have friends both western and Ugandan, those married and dating but experience they go though is both interesting and difficult but they trust and communicate to each other and go though the difficulties.

  18. emma says:

    Am a ugandan dude seeking for a white spouse babe

  19. Joanne says:

    Hi there – thanks for you blog! I’m an Aussie woman in my 50s and met my Kenyan partner 10 years ago in London. He moved back to Kenya 5 years ago and I have been living here too in fits and starts as often go away to work and to visit adult children in Australia. It’s not been smooth sailing at all in our mixed backgrounds relationship- issues around money, trust and communication have emerged! But I agree and really like your comment that such mixed relationships are not ‘magical’ – there are magical moments sure but there’s also a lot of compromise and talking stuff through that needs to happen. Blessings to you all.

  20. Mimi says:

    Hi There – I have been dating a uganda guy for 3 months now. We met at my office where he is a client. When all this started, he was all that i could ask for, everything i needed in a man. But then i discovered that he was getting divorced. Yeah but those weren’t good news as he “allredy” has someone who lives with him and raising the kids of the woman he is divorcing. At some point i asked myself where do i stand really? So i Asked him, He told me that he could take two wives and that he loves me too. I believed that. He’s been so good to me and very jealousy some time. 2 days wouldn’t pass not seeing each other and if he did not see me for a day he will want to know in details what i was doing and who i was with. Now Things have changed, a week go by without seeing him and calling him is just a waste as he is always busy or hang before you said what you wanted and when his busyness ends, he will expect to find me as happy as i was the last time he saw me. Loving him is so lonely. He keeps me on the leash and leave hanging like that. He is a business man i understanding, but i think am just hanging on straws here. Any advise please

    • the muzungu says:

      Hi Mimi
      There are all kinds of relationships and some women can accept that the man has another woman. I really learned that when I came to Uganda!
      However, this man is not making you happy. I was sad to read your words “loving him is so lonely.” Love is not meant to be make you feel lonely, quite the opposite.
      Guys are known for hating being asked questions (but you have every right to ask them). It seems you have therefore pushed him away by trying to find out what is going on. But perhaps that is a good thing?
      I don’t like the sound of the jealousy. Jealousy does not equal care. When someone asks you if you have had a nice day, or you have enjoyed yourself, those kind of questions are okay but if they start asking you about who you been hanging out with and where you have been going, that sounds a little controlling. In my experience, you will get even more of these questions as time goes on.
      I know it is hard to stop thinking about him but I would not call him. He should miss you and you wait for him to contact you. If you use this strategy however, you have to be prepared for the fact he may not contact you. But put this in perspective: you’ve only known each other three months, and he does already have a complicated love life, even before he met you.
      From what you say, I don’t think this is going to be a long-term relationship for you. Take care 🙂

      • Mimi says:

        Hi Muzungu
        Thank you so much for your response and the advice. It’s really sad to hear what you just said as I have fallen so in love with this guy, but at the back of my head i knew somehow that our relationship might not work. And since my message to you, I haven’t called him as i have mentioned that it’s just a waste and he has not called either. That says it all, we have no relationship here. It’s going to take me some time to get over such rejection but thank you so much for the advice, really appreciate.

  21. sean prinxe says:

    hmmm….am also interested in mixed relationships…bhu no chanxe yet….

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